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This film boasted a couple of decent leading men for
the time. Harley Davidson was played by Mickey Rourke.
Sure, no big deal now but who can forget 9 1/2 Weeks?
That film is the reason he still gets work if you ask
me. Marlboro was played by Sonny Crocket himself, Don
Johnson. Again, you think Don Johnson now and you think...
ok... big deal. But the dude was the most pussy gettinest
cat back when he was doing Miami Vice. And it had only
been a few years since the show was canceled. He was
still hot shit. The rest of the cast is comprised of
the late Big John Studd, Chelsea Field (Doesn’t
that name sound familiar? Can anyone say Masters of
the Universe?), Vanessa Williams, Tia Carrera, Giancarlo
Esposito and Tom Sizemore. The script was penned by
producer Don Michael Paul. Don’t know who he is?
That’s fine... I mean, he hasn’t worked for
a couple years. Other than writing for this film he
also acted in films like Robot Wars, Aloha Summer and
the TV show Models Inc. He’s got a new project
coming out called Half Past Dead starring Steven Seagal
and Ja Rule so you can pretty much bet it’s gonna
grab tightly onto a cock and suck like nothing has ever
sucked before. I figure writing and producing Harley
Davidson and the Marlboro Man is as good as it’s
gonna get for Don Michael Paul. But I’m just wasting
time now. LET’S GRADE SOME CHEESE!!
Visual Effects: The film took place in the immediate
future. But not too far so things looked the same in
their time period as they do in ours. Shit, the film
takes place in the past now and still looks a lot like
how things do now. Not many big time effects to speak
of, nor were they needed. They had only one real visual
effect and that was near the end of the movie when our
heroes toss the bad guy out a window. The blue screen
work is so bad. My little sister who was 3 at the time
she was this wasn’t scared for the guy but instead
laughed because it looked so goofy. A little more care
could have been put into that effect. It’s not
like they can claim a sorry budget. This film was backed
by the monsters of the tobacco industry and Harley Davidson
Motorcycles. Those companies could have thrown down
a couple million to ensure visual quality. Other than
that, the film doesn’t really throw down any other
special visual effects. But what we did get was kinda
sloppy.
I give the Visual Effects a C+
Visual Style: The film really didn’t do anything
innovative with it’s visual style. There was a
reason for just about every light source in the film
which is a huge pet peeve of mine. If a light is shining
brightly from somewhere... have a reason. Example: In
the film Lord of the Rings there’s a part where
Frodo and his Hobbit pals are hiding from a black rider.
They watch as he rides over a hill towards the brightest
light source I’ve ever seen. It wasn’t the
moon because it was shining from right over the hill.
If the moon was that close, gravity would cease to be.
Thusly, it was just a prop light set to backlight the
black rider so the audience wouldn’t lose him in
the darkness. No reason other than just to light something.
There wasn’t any of this in Harley Davidson and
the Marlboro Man. I find this is true for most cheesy
films. They pay attention to the technical aspects of
the project so people will overlook the silly story
or plot of it. The camera work was fairly dynamic and
exciting. Some nice quick, tight pans and close ups
that were kinda revolutionary for the early nineties.
The way that the whole city around them looked modern
and steel and how they hung out at real earthy locations
was a nice touch. Telling us that these two guys and
their pals are part of an older tradition. Setting them
apart from the rest of the world in a different way.
Not making them shiny and fake... but making them a
little more real. I liked the visuals used in this film
and have actually used some of it in my own script writing.
I give the Visual Style an A+.
Sound: The sound in this film was great. The dialogue
was clear and was never overpowered by the sound of
surroundings. It was very well mixed. The music used
in the movie was kinda classic by my standards. There
was a lot of late 80’s/early 90’s cock rock
thrown in there. The movie opens with Bon Jovi’s
Wanted Dead or Alive and is full of other tunes by L.A.
Guns and others. It fit the characters that were were
watching. Some of it was appropriate background noise
and some of it classics that make you go "Whoah,
I remember that tune!!" The score itself was done
by Basil Poledouris. His composing credits span almost
40 years with films like Conan the Barbarian, Conan
the Destroyer, Red Dawn, RoboCop, Breakdown and Mickey
Blue Eyes under his belt. The score to this movie isn’t
all that bad. In fact, it’s quite impressive for
as cheesy a film as this.
I give the Sound an A+.
Costumes: The costumes were alright for the film. If
it was me making the film I would have made our main
characters change at least once. But maybe that would
have taken that mystical look away from the title characters.
I mean, I never really get the impression that these
guys are supposed to be believable, everyday kinda guys.
They kinda come across like superheroes for an older,
more mature generation. Harley Davidson wears his leather
pants and leather jacket. He didn’t look quite
like a Harley rider as much as he looked like a Japanese
racer. I guess I was expecting a certain look and was
surprised. As much as I like the character, I never
really buy the look. Marlboro looks just like how you
would imagine. A rugged, rough cowboy. Worn jeans and
a white shirt with a almost western looking vest over
it. I think on anyone else it would look ridiculous
but on Don Johnson, it really kinda fit. I believed
his character at first site. Add to that his rough voice
and you got yourself a cowboy. Now we get to our group
of bad guys headed up by Daniel Baldwin (The FAT one).
These guys have a little gimmick in the film. They come
out firing these bad ass automatic weapons wearing what
look like giant garbage bags. These garbage bags, we
find out, are kevlar. Kevlar is a bulletproof material
for those of you who don’t know. Now, I bought
this at first but then I saw what kevlar really looks
like and I get pissed whenever I see these guys in the
movie. Now, maybe kevlar looked like that at one time...
but it seems a little different now and I just can’t
buy it. Overall, the costumes are pretty good but there
are just those few things that get in my head and bother
me the whole time I watch it. I expect more from Richard
Shissler who’s designed costumes for The Godfather
III and Bram Stoker’s Dracula.
I give the Costumes a B-.
Story: The story of this film is a basic thing. Two
old friends get together again after a long time. They
find out that their friends are in financial turmoil
and decide to help rob a bank to get the money they
need. They rob the bank but then get more than they
bargained for. The whole time trying to hypnotize you
with suggestions to drink, smoke and ride a motorcycle
like a maniac. It’s a simple story which was a
good thing. If they tried to go overboard with it, it
would have gone from cheesy to stupid in one easy step.
They could have just overdone the macho of these guys
but instead we get a little insight into the characters.
What makes them say what they say or do what they do.
The whole story revolves around the mistakes people
make and the things they have to do to make things right
again. It’s kind of an elementary thought but,
again, it refreshes that ideal of a pair of superheroes
for a mature generation. A couple of reckless and dangerous
bad boys who can admit to their mistakes and make up
for them. Every guys fantasy mixed in with a little
responsibility. The story was solid and moved pretty
fluidly. There were a few events in the script that
kinda led to nowhere and that certainly lost the film
some points there.
I rate the Story a C+.
Scriptwriting: We come back to Don Michael Paul. For
having such a lackluster career, this guy actually did
a half decent job with his script writing. There’s
dialogue in this film that I still quote to this day.
Marlboro Man’s "My old man used to tell me
before he left this shitty world..." is gospel
to me. The characters are all distinct and alive with
their own attitudes and dialects. That’s an important
thing to remember when writing. People tend to make
all their characters say shit the same way. My best
example of this would be Kevin Smith’s writing
for Clerks. No offense to Kevin Smith... I’m one
of his biggest fans BUT... all of his characters in
Clerks seemed to talk the same way. Beyond a location’s
dialect. These people are all from the same place...
yes... but they all kinda shared the same brain. You
know what I’m saying? I love the film and maybe
it was just an acting issue.
(Excuse me now as I go and set myself on fire for criticizing
my freaking hero.)
Okay, I’m back. But you see what I mean. All the
characters had distinct identities that were apparent
through the dialogue. And some of the scenes were priceless.
When Harley tries to talk Marlboro into jumping off
of a hotel in Las Vegas into the pool below to escape
the bad guys.
Harley: "You’re gonna get shot up here."
Marlboro: "You’re gonna get smashed down
there."
Harley: "I’d rather be smashed than shot."
Marlboro: "Not me."
Or when Marlboro is being held hostage by Daniel Baldwin.
Harley stands with his gun drawn as Daniel Baldwin holds
Marlboro in front of him. Marlboro tells Harley to shoot.
He does and Marlboro takes a bullet in the arm. Daniel
Baldwin just laughs as Marlboro’s eyes widen in
pain. CLASSIC!!! And we can never forget the macho motto
thrown throughout the film, "It’s better to
be dead and cool than alive and uncool". As macho
as the script was, it was very well written and holds
a decent amount of water when pit against the scripts
of today.
I give the Scriptwriting an A+.
Acting: No Oscar-caliber performances in this flick.
The actors make the parts believable and that’s
about it. Mickey Rourke and Don Johnson have a pretty
good chemistry as life long pals. You almost believe
that these two guys have history together. They respond
to each other pretty genuinely. Another stand out performance
was that of the late Big John Studd. For a guy who was
a WWF wrestler, he sure came across in a realistic way.
It didn’t sound like a guy just rattling off lines
but of a thinking and responsive actor. Tia Carrera,
Vanessa Williams and Chelsea Field kinda played the
part of background to the rest of the cast. Chelsea
Field plays Virginia Slim... a love interest for Marlboro
who basically calls their romance off to settle down
and marry someone she really doesn’t love. You
see a bit of inner turmoil with her but you basically
can’t wait till she leaves a scene. Tia Carrera
has all of 4 lines in this movie and stinks at all of
them. Luckily, she’s a piece of ass I wouldn’t
mind tapping, so she is forgiven. Vanessa Williams plays
a small role of a woman that both Jack and Harley fought
for the affections of earlier in life. This leads to
a small scuffle at the beginning and soon she is forgotten.
You can tell this is her first acting job. She kinda
stinks. Daniel Baldwin proves why he’s the least
popular of the brothers. His expression never changes
and his voice just drones on and on. Tom Sizemore does
a pretty good job at playing a weasely little bank president.
In 4 seconds he makes you want to kick his ass yourself.
No depth or anything involved with this character. Just
a little bastard. The only performance in the film that
makes me ill is the part of the helicopter pilot. At
the climax of the film, this pilot swoops down and opens
fire on the bank building. He comes out of nowhere just
when Harley and Marlboro think they’re finished.
You want him to go "GET DOWN!! GET DOWN!!"
Or "Take this Motherfucker!" Instead, he has
a shitty grin on his face and waves almost halfheartedly
for Harley and Marlboro to get out of the way. I blame
this, not on the writing but on the actor. Had he just
improvised something better, I’m sure the director
would have dug it. You are allowed a little freedom
with improvisation on a set. The main characters were
played wonderfully but the people around them would
tend to bring the film down. Enough to kill the film?
No. But more than enough to make you wonder what else
might be on TV until we come back to Harley and Marlboro.
I rate the Acting a B+.
So, there you have it. My humble opinion of a film
that I believe hasn't received it's due. It's a cheesy
movie that may have been unfairly categorized. I recommend
you check it out sometime and take these points that
I've given you into consideration. I think you'll find
a diamond in the rough with this film.
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