(By Guest Reviewer Gary Dean Murray) Lindsey Lohan is the latest in yet another of a long line of Disney kids groomed for stardom. It’s always been this way with the Mouse Company. Annette Funicello, Jodie Foster, Kirk Russell and Hayley Mills are just a few of the stars who have worked their teenage years for this family friendly entertainment giant. Lindsey, who has starred in the remakes of “Freaky Friday” and ‘The Parent Trap”, now gets to make a new DVD, “Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen.” The story is one the genre loves -- a fish out of water story, trying to fit into a new environment. Lindsey plays Mary AKA Lola, a very dramatic 15 year old (yeah, right, she’s 15) who has to leave her beloved New York City, ‘the center of everything’ to move out to the ‘cultural wasteland’ of suburban New Jersey. She is a city girl with very bohemia artistic (and divorced) parents and two nondescript twin younger sisters.

The self proclaimed Lola has a golden goal to be an actress and a star; it’s her obsession and her ambition. Even though she seems to hate her existence, she makes friends easily with the local wallflower who is past just being simply mousy. This slight child seems to live in perpetual fear of everything. Lola also befriends a local boy, but her obsession is a rock god/poet of her favorite band. And she makes a rival out of the local rich girl. Yes, the plot reeks of ‘Haven’t we seen this before’ disease.

Look, this film isn’t made for adults; it’s made for those ‘Tiger Beat’ teenagers. It’s a world where New York is beautifully innocuous and a rock concert after party is safer than the local teen rec center on a Sunday afternoon. Its wishful thinking and fantasy to the nth degree.

Lola finds that it’s easier to exaggerate the truth if it fits her purposes. She even decides that her father was killed in a motorcycle accident because it sounds exciting and romantic. But, these lies will catch up with her eventually.

The two major events of the film are the school play “Pygmalion” that’s going to be given a modern up date and the return to New York to see the final concert of a rock band. And, without giving away too much plot, guess who comes out on top in both events?

The biggest and truly only complaint I have about this film is in story construction. There is no true sustaining conflict and drama in the film. I know it’s a kid’s picture, but for a story to move from here to there, it must be a sense of urgency that drives the plot. Yes, there is the ‘conflict girl’ and some obstacles, but there is no overpowering sense of disharmony, no sense of stumble or challenge. Even kids fairy tales have more drama that this story. But, the story is cute and the music fair, especially the big musical dance numbers that are the finale of the film.

This is one of those films that’s going to be owned by every teenage girl in America. It’s charming and quite watchable in its own way. The songs, both over and in the film, are quite catchy and Lindsay can belt out a tune. The only bonus features are a very short deleted scene called “Eliza’s Fantasy” and a behind the scenes clip called “Confessions from the Set”. The former was cut because the audience this film is aiming for probably hasn’t seen “My Fair Lady” and the latter shows that Miss Lohan is playing more herself as she plays Lola. The music video is a nice slice of ear candy, not too rough but with that slight, overproduced edge that these teen idol songs possess.

I have no idea if any of these Disney kid stars (Lindsey Lohan, Hillary Duff, Anne Hathaway etc.) will make it as a grown-up performer. Success being an adult actress is a bigger crapshoot than any gaming table in Las Vegas. Besides, Hollywood is known for eating its young. But, Lindsey Lohan has a certain pixie charm, a glow in her smile that the camera loves. Her step away from this Disney style sweetness was spring’s Mean Girls, which received wonderful reviews and strong box office. Only time will tell if she can break into more grown-up faire. But, it’s not a bad film a decent Rental

Directed by Sara Sugarman
Starring Lindsey Lohan, Adam Garcia, Glenne Headly, Allison Pill and Carol Kane
Screenplay by Gail Parent
Running time 90 minutes
MPAA Rating PG
Special Features: Deleted Scene “Eliza’s Fantasy”; Music Video Lindsey Lohan “That Girl”; Behind-The-Scenes Featurette “Confessions From The Set”; Audio Commentary with Director Sara Sugarman, Writer Gail Parent and Producers Robert Shapiro and Jerry Leider
Website

We'll give Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen a B-.