(THUNK) … that was the sound of my jaw hitting the floor. This reaction is usually saved for those moments when I’ve seen a movie so incredibly good that I am literally in awe of what I’ve just seen. But that is not the case here. My jaw is hitting the floor because Uwe Boll was actually given another budget to make another film. You would think after helming “House of the Dead”, “Alone in the Dark” and “Bloodrayne” (1 & 2), and “In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale,” that no one would want him to direct so much as a YouTube video. Well, actually I expected that after “House of the Dead.” Uwe Boll is somewhat of an anomaly in the filmmaking arena. He makes bad movies… and I think he means to make bad movies. His subject matter is generally derived from a video game, and instead of making something visually stimulating, he makes… well how can I say this politely… he makes crap. Most recently he delivered unto audiences a direct to DVD release based on the… surprise… videogame “Far Cry.”

“Far Cry”, which I have no idea if it truly has anything remotely to do with the videogame, stars Til Schweiger as charter boat captain Jack Carver. (Oddly enough, ‘Til Tuesday did NOT do the musical soundtrack). Carver is hired by crack reporter Valerie Cardinal (Emmanuelle Vaugier), who is hot on the trail of a story about a mysterious island. When they hit land, the pair are attacked by mercenaries, BUT THANKFULLY Carver just happens to be an Ex-Special Forces Commando (as are all charter boat captains) so they narrowly escape. Come to find out, the island houses a mad scientist (Udo Kier) who is creating an army of genetically altered super soldiers. Then… oh wait… that’s pretty much it.

Most of “Far Cry” involves a lot of running around, gunfire, explosions, lame acting (…make that line reading), and out of place one-liners. Oh, and the occasional white zombie (not Rob Zombie’s band, mind you) and also out of place sex. So much is wrong with this movie that it barely registers as a guilty pleasure. As far as action adventures go, it’s about on par action-wise with “My Dinner with Andre” (which was actually more of a nail biter). But it is a Uwe Boll film… gotta figure.

I can certainly understand why this was a direct to DVD feature and not a theatrical release as it is far more forgiving to have paid $3.00 in the bargain bin at the store than to have paid $9.00 bucks in the theater. And at least for your $3.00 you get a handful of extra features which include a little behind the scenes ‘making of…’ fluff. BUT, you do get a commentary by Boll, which makes for a great game for shots. Grab a bottle, some glasses and take a shot every time he says a word that is decipherable as English.

That said, this movie is a ‘Far Cry’ from being anywhere near as cool or interesting as the game (I hear from gamer friends of mine). I’d love to say more, but the movie was just so… just so… well… it was a Uwe Boll film. On a side note, I understand that there is an online petition to make Boll stop directing movies. If it reaches 1 million signatures, he’s supposed to quit. Don’t know if it truly exists, but if you find it… sign it!

Directed by: Uwe Boll
Starring: Til Schweiger, Emmanuelle Vaugier, Udo Kier, Natalia Avelon, Michael Pare, Ralf Moeller
Extras: CGI Featurette, Deleted Scenes, Audio Commentary with Uwe Boll, Alone in the Dark 2 Trailer; Behind the Scenes Featurette
Specifications: Widescreen, English 5.1 Stereo
Studio: Vivendi
Release Date: 11/24/2009
MPAA Rating: NR
http://www.vivendient.com

We'll give Far Cry a D-.