Well, it seems "The Osbournes" might have started a bit of a trend. It's bad enough that we have so few choices of TV programming that aren't reality shows, but now we have reality shows about people who aren’t real… at all. I'm talking celebrities. These are people who are, despite the day by day troubles of having a family, pampered beyond the realm of remembering what 'real life' was like. I'm not a fan of 'reality shows' to begin with, but I roll my eyes even more when the subjects are people like Ozzy Osbourne, Carmen Electra, or (God help us…) Flavor Flav. It's even worse when it involves a celebrity I actually like; I end up learning what a spoiled brat they really are. I'd rather have me fantasy. Though my taste in music has become increasingly well-rounded, when I was a little kid I went more for classical or theatrical music. (No I wasn't gay… I just had taste). The first 'rock group' I ever got into was KISS, and if you're old enough to remember the theatrics of their show (costumes and makeup), you can probably guess why.

As the years went by I began an obsession with Alice Cooper that lingers to this very day. Still, I loved KISS… going so far as to join the KISS Army. Anytime people told me they were satanic (Knights In Satan's Service), I pretty much told them they were pathetic sheep, ready to jump on whatever urban myth was the flavor of the week. (I still laugh whenever a musical group is labeled 'Satanic' and children are told they are to be feared. Yes, there are Satanists in the world, but they're all silly clowns who have no more power than your average magician.)

It wasn't until I was much older that I began to recognize KISS for what it was… a mega-conglomerate bent on world merchandising control. I found the music to be simplistic (though I still liked it), and that the band members were less rock and roll stars and more corporate whores. Granted, a lot of musical groups have turned to merchandising to make up for their lack of talent (Britney Spears Perfume, anyone?), but the members of KISS were amongst the first to take merchandising to limits never before seen in the world of rock music. Today, it is a multi-billion dollar industry of clothing lines, videos, comic books, action figures… even coffins. These guys have to richer than God, yet when the almighty dollar rears its ugly head, one member is still there to take full advantage.

Gene Simmons, who as the Demon in the group, was my favorite member of KISS. Heck, I think he was everyone's favorite. With the demonic makeup, snakelike tongue and a predilection for spitting blood and breathing fire, he was the real showman of the group. His exploits became legendary, not only dating people like Cher, but supposedly bedding thousands of women. But fore the past 23 years, he's been living in a relationship with ex-Playboy Playmate of the Year Shannon Tweed, and raising two children. (Tweed is also billed as being an actress, but I've seen some of her movies… I'd definitely leave the term OFF of her resume.)

Seeing a cash cow, Simmons decided to create his own 'reality series', "Family Jewels", in order to exploit not only his history as a rock and roll icon, but to exploit his family as well. The series is very similar to "The Osbournes", but where it was kind of hard to tell what was staged and what wasn't in that series, here you can tell everything is staged. First of all, there are very few scenes dedicated to the normal everyday life in the household. Each episode generally seems to be directed at some sort of particular event, and all the preparations thereof. Admittedly, in many ways the series is a lot more entertaining than "The Osbournes" because of this control over the environment. Seems don’t appear quite as chaotic and are easy to follow.

What surprised me about the series, was that I ended up liking Simmons just as much as before, or at least the version of him that he allows us to see. There are times when he does seem like an average Joe… well an average Joe with a lot of money. Where my opinion did change was in Tweed's personality. Again, it might just be an act, but she plays the 'spoiled 'rich bi**h' to a tea and there were times I wanted to see someone deck her. Considering the fact that she's such a terrible actress though, I have a hard time believing that she doesn't honestly believe she's better than everyone else. And if she's God's gift to men… gentleman we've been seriously short-changed. (And someone needs to offer her sister Tracey a brain transplant… the poor thing…)

A&E Home Entertainment is releasing the first season in a 2-disc package complete with a fair list of extra features. There are some additional interview segments that we don’t see in the series, as well as a tour of Simmon's office by Gene and other members of the family. There's a home movie where son Nick interviews his dad about the history of rock 'n' roll, some bloopers, and a look at some of the songs his kids have been recording. Additionally, you'll find a little behind the scenes featurettes and a video of Simmons making the round at some personal appearances.

"Gene Simmons Family Jewels", like all 'reality shows', doesn’t really have the entertainment value of your average police drama or situation comedy. But it is a at least a little bit better than most of what you'll find in the genre.

Starring: Gene Simmons, Shannon Tweed
Extras: Rough Cut of Pilot Episode, Unseen Couch Interview, Inside the Demon's Lair, Gene's History of Rock 'n' Roll, Behind the Makeup Featurettes, Gene Simmons 24/7, Simmons Family Text biographies
Specifications: Full Screen, Dolby Digital 2.0 Surround Sound
Studio: Arts & Entertainment
Release Date: 12/19/2006
Region 1
MPAA Rating: NR
Website
Website

We'll give Gene Simmons Family Jewels: Season 1 a C+.