(THUNK) … that was the sound of my jaw hitting the floor. This reaction is usually saved for those moments when I’ve seen a movie so incredibly good that I am literally in awe of what I’ve just seen. But that is not the case here. My jaw is hitting the floor because Uwe Boll was actually given another budget to make another film. You would think after helming “House of the Dead”, “Alone in the Dark” and “Bloodrayne” (1 & 2) that no one would want him to direct so much as a YouTube video. Well, actually I expected that after “House of the Dead.” Uwe Boll is somewhat of an anomaly in the filmmaking arena. He makes bad movies… and I think he means to make bad movies. His subject matter is generally derived from a video game, and instead of making something visually stimulating, he makes… well how can I say this politely… he makes crap. Most recently he delivered unto audiences “In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale.”

Somehow I missed this one in theatres, only to have an opportunity to give it a look see on DVD. To be fair, I cannot comment on the transfer quality as I was sent a screener DVD, which tends to be full of artifacts.

So… “In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale.” Somehow Boll managed to attract Jason Statham, Leelee Sobieksi, John Rhys-Davies, Ron Perlman, Claire Forlani, Matthew Lillard, Ray Liotta and Burt Reynolds to join this ancient tale of a farmer (aptly named Farmer) who vow revenge against some evil guys known as the Krug because they kidnapped his wife and killed his son. He enlist the aid of a magician (Rhy-Davies), a tree nymph (Forlani), a Xena wannabe (Sobieski) and a warrior (Perlman) to fight the invaders. They also fight to defend the King (Reynolds - good buddy). On the Krug’s team we have an evil wizard (Liotta) and the King’s stereotypically two-faced advisor (Lillard). Throw in Bolls uncanny knack for bad editing and sloppy camera work and you have a Razzie Award Winner!

Never have I seen so many decent actors so horribly miscast. I’m not sure if they were doing it for fun or what, but Jason Statham has done pretty well in the crime/drama/action genre and with his buzz cut and eight o’clock shadow looks as out of place as he possibly can. And Ray Liotta as an evil wizard? He was more believable as the owner of his own honey factory in “Bee Movie.” Then there’s poor Burt Reynolds. The only one I expect needs the money, its difficult seeing the once king of cross country race car movies starring standing around dressed for Halloween… and even harder to see him without Jerry Reed or Dom DeLuise by his side.

The DVD includes a behind the scenes featurette that really doesn’t offer much more than the actors standing around and a handful of deleted scenes. I’d love to tell you more, but the movie was just so… just so… well… it was a Uwe Boll film. On a side note, I understand that there is an online petition to make Boll stop directing movies. If it reaches 1million signatures, he’s supposed to quit. Don’t know if it truly xists, but if you find it… sign it!

Directed by: Uwe Boll
Starring: Jason Statham, Leelee Sobieksi, John Rhys-Davies, Ron Perlman, Claire Forlani, Kristanna Loken, Matthew Lillard, Ray Liotta, Burt Reynolds
Extras: Behind the Scenes, Deleted Scenes
Specifications: Dolby Digital 5.1
Studio: 20th Century Fox
Release Date: 4/15/2008
Region 1
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Website

We'll give In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale a D.