Snootchie Bootchie Nootchies. I figured I’d send in a second review, this time of an old favorite of mine, Kevin Smith’s least commercially successful film, Mallrats. The film suffered at the box office from both bad advertising and semi-niche humor. Like all Smith’s films it suffers from lack of camera work. But from opening line "One time my cousin Walter got a cat stuck up his ass", it’s fucking funny. I mean, seriously, name one other movie with the Easter Bunny getting his ass kicked, a guy wearing a Batman helmet busting through not one, but two changing rooms, and a three nippled topless fortune teller.

Mallrats is the sophomore film for writer/director/Silent Bob Kevin Smith. It features two returning characters from his maiden voyage Clerks, as well as several relations or references to the others. So seeing Clerks increases the enjoyment of this already hilarious film. Mallrats stars Jason Lee (Vanilla Sky, Almost Famous), and Jeremy London (never seen him elsewhere), as two dumped college age kids on a quest to retrieve lost loves Shannon Doherty (90210) and Claire Forlani (Meet Joe Black). Lee is comic fan/cynic/nerd Brodie Bruce, halfheartedly pursuing a reunion with newly single Renee (Doherty), who left him because his comics and videogames placed over his girlfriend. TS (London) is much more serious about regaining his ex Brandi (Forlani), who left him in
order to facilitate the film having a straight man. But these are far from the only characters. Michael Rooker plays Brandi’s sadistic anti TS father, Ben Afflek plays Renee’s new man, who happens to be fond of screwing women in a very uncomfortable place (What, like the back of a Volkswagen?) Jason Mewes and Kevin Smith make an appearance as their trademark roles, Jay and Silent Bob. Priscilla Barnes is Ivanna the topless psychic, Renee Humphrey is lolita author Trish "the dish" Jones (sister of Heather from Clerks and Alyssa from Chasing Amy), and Ethan Suplee is the magic picture obsessed Willam. But the cast goes on! Joey Lauren Adams (Harvard Man, Chasing Amy) makes an appearance, as does (drum roll)….Stan Lee as himself. Also, Bryan Johnson and Walt Flanagan make their first appearances as Steve Dave and Walt the Fanboy. Whooo. Finally, that’s over.

The aptly named Mallrats take place almost entirely in a mall (Eden Prairie, not Memorial Park), and focuses primarily on the antics of Brodie, TS, Jay, and Silent Bob. Almost every scene has at least one of those characters. Each character has their own nemesis, which fits in nicely with comic book angle of the movie (comics are a frequent theme, and both the opening credits and cover are in comic form). Brodie matches up against Shannon Hamilton (Ben Afflek), who he refers to as such things as "Sperminator", "Walking Hard-on", and "Upscale Wannabe". TS squares of against game show host Jared Svenning (Rooker), while Jay and Silent Bob face of against old Butch and Sundance antagonist, the ever silent LaFours. Lastly, Clerks/Vulgar star Brian ’Halloran make a cameo as his second of three characters named "Hicks".

The humor in Mallrats ranges from slapstick physical comedy (the Easter Bunny getting whooped), oddball nerd conversations (super power applications to sex), and intelligent comedy ( a topless fucking psychic! Now is that genius or what?). Lee is great, as always, in the role of a cocky, yet downtrodden, asshole. He has many a great one liners (Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned for Sega), and arguably the greatest low-brow bit of the nineties: the chocolate covered pretzel. TS, despite being the "straight man", is plenty funny too, as he spends the entire movie either pissed off or nervous. The supporting cast kicks ass too, with my personal J & SB performance, along with highly memorable characters like Trish the Dish, Ivanna, and LaFours. Even Afflek is good.

The film, unlike most comedies, has no obvious plot holes (I’ve seen it over a hundred times, every one I’ve spotted has ended up making sense). The only serious flaw in the move is that you have to wait until Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back to get and encore for Trish and Brodie. The rest of the cast (barring the two ever present Smith duos of Jay & SB, and Walt and Steve Dave), seem to have retired their roles. Now I’m all for a filmmaker moving on from his old characters, but these were golden. And Ivanna woulda fit in perfectly in Dogma.

Overall:
I have yet to find a better comedy.

Pretentious, Overdone Grading:
Direction: it’s a comedy
Writing: 10 (nobody writes comedy dialogue better than Smith)
Acting: 10, as far as comedies go.

Spotlight Comparison:
Jason Lee:
Funniest of his, one ot the funniest period. More enjoyable than serious flick Dreamcatcher. Lee himself is at his best, in a role matched only by Azrael from Dogman and Brian Shelby from Vanilla Sky.

Final Thoughts:
Buy the DVD. BUY. B-U-Y. The deleted scenes are good, you’ll wanna see the movie more than once (unless you both beat seals and snort the crack. Or beat the crack and snort seals, that’s pretty bad too). The commentary is great, and there are literally hundreds of little jokes you won’t grab the first time. Also, Silent Bob has one of his best lines.

Really Final Thoughts:
"Holy shit! The Jedi fucking mind trick. Motherfucking Yoda and shit!"

We'll give Mallrats an A.