Jesus mother of god, I only wish I could scrub my eyes with bleach.

Paul Verhoeven is a real hit-or-miss director. On the one hand he can pull off something fun like Total Recall, or he can let his obsession with the breast get carried away and create (if that's the right word) something as ass-tacular as Showgirls. Then there's the mixed bag of Starship Troopers, which is a lot of fun to look at, but all these pesky sub-par actors get in the way of neato special effects.

Well, you can say one thing about Hollow Man. There certainly weren't any characters to get in the way of the f/x.

Sure, there were actors spouting off absolute crap disguised as dialogue, but there weren't any actual characters. Let me sum up.

Something good about Hollow Man: The special effects really were pretty fuckin' neat.

Something bad about Hollow Man: Everything else.

Okay, I'll admit to something here. I stepped in and watched this movie, having missed the first half hour. So I jumped in when Kevin Bacon (with the subtle-as-a-brick character name of Sebastian Caine) was being led off to be turned into the Invisible Man. Once he goes invisible, he turns into a one-man rendition of Lord of the Flies, and a movie with potential suddenly turns into Friday the 13th.

Ironically, Kevin Bacon also had a part in the Friday the 13th series.

Anyway, though I came in late, I realized that I had missed absolutely nothing at all, and from there I was treated to some terrible.. Well.. Pretty much terrible everything. It was just bad. Kevin Bacon just goes nutso and homicidal, and the Team of Plucky Scientists gets picked off one by one. Told you it was a slasher flick.

And the real kicker is, I wanted this to be a good movie. I liked the previews. The concept, while not groundbreaking, seemed like one that could be seriously entertaining. I vowed I would be there opening night for this movie (I was, though I was not on the customer side of the ticket counter). And it reveals itself to be the absolute worst piece of garbage to come out since.. Ah.. Hell, I don't want to put any more thought into this.

But you are treated to a nice shot of Elisabeth Shue's ass, and for that alone, it gets saved from a rating of zero.

Rating: Hollow Man gets 1 out of 5 Evil Overlord.

One measly Overlord.