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Jason
X |
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Rating
- 3.5 |
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DPW here. Bringing you an update Crimson Celluloid
style. That's right! Unbiased, honest, true MOVIE
REVIEWS.
I recently had a chance to catch a screener of the
newest installment of the Friday the 13th franchise:
Jason X. As someone who has seen the previous nine
installments of this groundbreaking series, I can
tell you I was heartily impressed. Now lets get
the series straight. Friday the 13th, Part 2, Part
3 3D, The Final Chapter, A New Beginning, Jason
Lives, The New Blood, Jason Takes Manhattan, The
Final Friday and Jason X. These ten movies have
had their share of success and fame. It's taken
8 directors and 18 writers over 20 years to craft
this rich and detailed stroy about the sorrow surrounding
the tragedy at Camp Crystal Lake. The series has
attracted a number of A list directors like "Missing
in Action's" Joseph Zito and even "Texas
Rangers" Steve Minor!! There's no short
list of celebrities willing to be hacked up by manacle
serial killer Jason Vorhees either. Crispin
Glover, Corey
Feldman and Seven
Steve "X-Files" Williams, have graced the silver
screen with the world's beloved psychopath.
Ok, that gave me a good laugh. Let me get serious.
Well, as much as a Friday the 13th movie can allow.
Don't take the Jason X name wrong, it is Friday
the 13th Part 10. It comes with all the old slasher
cliches (jumping from shadows, violent deaths),
horny teenage students (fornication in inapropriate
places is a must), and very, VERY bad puns (don't
make me relive them). There is a homage to the movies
80's roots which was quite original and did get
a honest chuckle. Lets start off where we ended
last time. Part 9, Jason dead and in hell. This
definitely hampers a 10th movie. So lets just put
Jason in space! As it would be had, Jason Voorhees
(Kane "I'll Have Your Soul" Hodder) has been captured
and is on the Crystal Lake Research Facility awaiting
cryogenic freezing. The military wants him as a
research specimin so they can study his "unique
capablity to regenerate lost and damaged tissue."
A researcher, Rowan (Lexa "People Really Need to
Know that I'm seriously Hot" Doig), wants Jason
frozen so they can find a way to deal with him in
the future. Turns out he's been convicted of over
200 murders and has been executed about four or
five times. The ACLU would probally be upset if
someone did sensible thing, like hitting him with
an atom bomb. That's inhumane. Shortly after (5m43seconds
into the movie) Jasons breakes out of the chains
that bind and starts making people less alive. With
no one else alive on the station, Rowan uses sly
cunningness to evade Jason. She manages to trap
Jason in the cryogenic freezer and freeze him. Story
over. Thanks for the eight dollars exit movie. BUT
WAIT! l Jason puts his RUSTY MACHETTE through two
feet of solid supermetal doors and causes BOTH to
be cryogenicly frozen!! They are discovered some
400 years after the fact by a student research team.
Using mind blowing technology that is operated by
a bunch of teenagers armed with the IQ of a breathmint
they bring the female back to life. You can only
imagine how hurt Jason must have been to be to be
passed over and NOT be revived. Sheesh. No wonder
he woke up kinda peeved off and chop happy.
As I said before, no matter the name the movie is
a Friday the 13th. It follows all the systematic
forumula of killer in shadows that jumps out and
murders you. One smart person says run. Friends
upset. Try to kill killer. Killer kills friends.
Other friend walks by and see aformentined friend
dead. Screams. People having sex during serial killers
rampage. Clevage. More death. Half group dead. Half
group decides to run away with smart person. Death.
Group inadvertantly kills killer. Killer comes back.
More death, or dare I say LETHAL DEATH. There's
nothing to really separate this movie from any other
cheeky horror genre. Although, I much prefer it
to today horror garbage like the Scream 3 or I Know
What You did Last Summer rip offs. Todays modern
horror movies can't do anything but whine and ignore
picking up a damn gun. How is it no one thinks to
SHOOT the killer that uses a knife? At least Jason
is unstoppable.
Which brings me to a long overdo point. Jason X
isn't supposed to be a great movie. Heck, it's not
really even that scary. It's a nice escapism from
the lack of bad movies out there. I actually found
myself cheering for the maniac getting closer to
the end of the movie. I think that's the way it
should be. The cast is essentially a bunch of spares
ripe for the Vorhees season of slaughter. The movie
itself is flawed from the beginning. They bother
to put Jason in space, but the only others things
in space are spaceships and dark hallways. |
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