| Joe
Somebody |
| Rating - 2 |
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| Joe Somebody
(Or Did Anyone Get the License Plate Number of
That Moral?) |
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You know, I think back on the films of Tim Allen
and I'm reminded of pictures like The Santa Clause,
Jungle To Jungle, For Richer or Poorer... none of
these classics. Then there was Galaxy Quest which,
unfortunately, holds a negative stigma with me.
Was it good? Yes... but there's a personal issue
there. None of these movies were really highly anticipated
in my book but then there were previews of this
new film called Big Trouble. From the writer and
creator of Get Shorty. I couldn't wait for this
film to come out... but then a bunch of assholes
with linen on their heads decided to ram some planes
into some buildings. You might have heard about
it. And since Big Trouble has some terrorist material
in it, it was shelved. What were we left with? Joe
Somebody. Here is my review.
Tim Allen plays the part of Joe Scheffer, an every
day "Joe" (haha... sigh) in this film
about lost pride and a quest for respect. He's a
divorced father who's loved by his daughter but
taken for granted by everyone else in his life.
And, yes, his daughter is one of those kid characters
that just happens to be the most intelligent people
in the film. (I hate when they pull that crap) He's
looked over for promotions at work and basically
made to feel invisible by his ex-wife and her new
man. He's not the type to stir up any kind of trouble
so avoids conflict at all costs even if it means
compromising his morals. Basically, he's a pussy.
One day, Joe decides to stick up for himself when
a really mean guy, played by Kronk from The Emperor's
New Groove, parks in Joe's parking spot and refuses
to move. Joe demands that Kronk move and instead
gets bitch slapped right in front of his daughter
and fellow coworkers. Instead of fighting back,
Joe gets in his car and drives home in shame. Like
a shamed little sissy-bitch who's just had his lunch
money taken away for the umpteenth time in his life
and knows he'll lose it again tomorrow. Like a panty
pissing little twit who only knows how to tuck tail
and run instead of standing up for himself. Like
a... well... you get the point.
This is where we play "Guess Where The Movie
Goes From Here". We've seen this plot played
out a million and one times already. Loser decides
to fight back... gains respect from his coworkers...
but personality changes and those who love him decide
to hate him... Loser has to weigh what is more important...
Loser is undoubtedly able to take bully... Loser
wins fight through more mature means. Shit, people...
this is a 15 Minute Concept waiting to happen. Scratch
that!! IT DID HAPPEN!!! This is a story that's been
done to death and, I'm sorry Fox, Tim Allen isn't
exactly a big enough draw to get people into the
theater to watch this rehashed piece of trash. It
really tries to be a cute, moral laden and even
witty film but it only succeeds in making you feel
like you are really gay for sitting there watching
it. I mean, this is the kind of film that Mormons
will be flocking to with their grandparents on weekends.
For those of us in the real world who have faced
stuff like this, you just sit there and go....."How
stupid do these people think we are!?"
The acting was mediocre at it's very best. The acting
really didn't matter when you knew what was gonna
happen about 3 minutes into the film. Tim Allen
was his usual, witty without being too intelligent
kinda character. Kronk was pretty good for his 5
minutes in the film. James Belushi tended to provide
a breath of fresh air when we got to watch him.
Here's the trouble with that. James Belushi SUCKS!!
When he's the breath of fresh air in a film... it's
a dud. However, we were treated to Kelly Lynch in
some damn hot attire once or twice which made the
film almost bearable. But, as great as her ass may
be... NO ASS COULD SAVE THIS MOVIE. It was as subtle
with it's message as a ten ton anvil falling on
your head.
I really wouldn't recommend this film to anyone
unless you just really have a hard on for Tim Allen.
Other than that... I'd say to leave this film alone...
BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY!!!! |
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| I give this film 2 out of 5.
(It would have been 1 but Kelly Lynch is so fucking
hot.) |
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