The Matrix Revolutions takes place immediately after the events of The Matrix Reloaded….more importantly; it picks up right where the Enter The Matrix video game leaves you. There’s been some bad business back in Zion and Neo and his comrades have been picked up by some of their friends in the ship “The Hammer”. Neo is in a coma with Trinity close at hand with the dude who was taken over by Mr. Smith laying only inches away. Those not in a coma are busy searching for Niobi, Ghost and Spark Plug who have gone missing in the catacombs deep under ground.

Neo finds himself waking up in a mysterious train station within the Matrix. Odd thing is…HE’S NOT PLUGGED IN. Fast forward through some weird fucking scene of Neo talking with a couple of programs from the Matrix who have a kid and are in love and go on a long winded journey into the mentality of perception and actuality.

Back in the real world, Morpheus decides he’s going to go after Neo in the Matrix. How does he know he’s there? Well because Neo is “The One” god dammit. That’s the way it works. So, Morpheus and Trinity meet up with Seraph and go see the Merovingian who has somehow taken Neo’s consciousness and stored it away somewhere in the Matrix. How does he do it? Who the fuck knows. Lord knows that getting any kind of explanation from this film is IMPOSSIBLE. Needless to say, it’s only a couple of minutes and Neo is found and all is right again. Or is it? (Cue ominous music.)

Chapter Two: The Breaking of The Fellowship

Well, our gang has decided to go back to Zion to help defend the city from the machines that are just about ready to attack. Neo has decided that he’s going to go to the machine city. That’s where his destiny lies. How does he know that? Because he’s “The One” god dammit. That’s the way it works. Trinity joins him and the ships go their separate ways. Ooops!! Someone forgot to get the psychotic guy who was taken over by Mr. Smith. He’s still on the ship with Neo and Trinity. Enter conflict.

While that’s going on, we are taken back to Zion where the party seems to be over. No more dancing. It’s all business now. They’re preparing for the Orcs….err…machines to attack Gondor…I mean Zion. The machines break through and it’s time to defend the city. Will they succeed? Well, that depends on the efforts of Niobi and Morpheus who are speeding their way back. It’s not gonna be easy though. It seems that they’ve come under attack and they have to man the Falcon’s….did I say “Falcon”? I mean the ship. They have to man the ships gun turrets and keep the baddies from taking them out before they can reach their objective. In the end, they make it and hit the ol’ EMP and hold off the machines for a little while.

Chapter Three: Just Ripping Off More Shit

So, Frodo and Sam arrive in Mordor. What the fuck am I saying? I mean…Neo and Trinity make it to the machine city. Shit happens and Neo has to face the mainframe on his own. Enter the borderline tentacle porn.

FINALLY, WE RETURN TO THE MATRIX AND GET TO SEE HUGO WEAVING AGAIN!!!

The only time this movie is even interesting in the least is when we get to see Mr. Smith. He’s turned the entire Matrix into a world of HIM! It’s wild. He and Neo fight in a “raising the bar for any future Superman movies” battle scene. Neo fights. Smith fights back. Smith fights. Neo fights back. Neo fights. Smith starts whooping up. Neo decides not to fight. The world fucking crashes. There is peace and the war is over.

The end.

WHAT THE FUCK!? It was a fun movie to look at but it’s just as hollow as the second one. Wachowski brothers, I have one bit of advice for you. Don’t ever try to make a movie smarter than you are. And don’t try to make a special effects blockbuster into some kind of think piece.

Another thing. If the movie is called “The Matrix”….fucking get into the Matrix and spend a little more time in there. PLEASE!! For me.

I wasn’t really all that thrilled with this movie. The first one changed the way I look at action films. The second two just felt like a waste of time. I felt no satisfaction or joy from seeing this series through to its conclusion. Lot’s of plot holes and some confusing and maybe even “cop out”-ish explanations to some of the more key elements of the movie. It just kinda pissed me off. Fight scenes were cool and the special effects were outstanding. Unfortunately, the movie on it’s own just wasn’t good enough to get my mind off of all the little sci-fi devices they’ve stolen from other pictures.

It’s worth seeing in the theater but I’m telling you….see it at matinee prices.