 |
"That’s
interesting." I like this adding of a
quote first thing in the review. If I had
an audience it could be called a "trademark"
or "schtick" or possibly "crappy
gimmick". Firstly: pirates are cool.
Secondly: Johnny Depp is cool. Thirdly: I
want to David Lynch hanged. Fourthly: Kira
Knightley is a stage name for Winona Ryder.
Billionthly: My cat’s breath smells
like cat food.
Now that all that nonsense is out of the way,
let’s really get into it here. Pirates
of the Caribbean is a movie about, oddly enough,
some pirates, and takes place in, get this,
the Caribbean. It’s based off the ride.
|
That said, this movie saved Legolas, I mean, uh,
Orlando Bloom from being eternally typecast. He
was the mandatory straight man in any "epic"
adventure "Luke Skywalker of Star Wars, Neo
of the Matrix, the troll from Ernest Scared Stupid).
He’s a blacksmith who’s in love with
Kira Knightley, who is some sort of royalty or other,
and they’ve known one another since she saved
his sorry ass from drowning. It doesn’t take
long for them to meet the pirate legend/joke Jack
Sparrow (played by Johnny Depp, at very much the
top of his game). Eventually evil ghost pirate Lechuck…
er, Barbosa kidnaps the girl and Legolas has to
convince Edward Scissorhands to help him save Winona.
Also, there’s a pretty major subplot involving
how Barbosa’s ship and crew used to be Ickabod’s
ship and crew, yadda yadda yadda.
The leads are great. Orlando Bloom has a bit
more personality than his last character, and,
as mentioned before, this role may well save him
from playing the eternal sidekick. Ryder is real
good, as per usual, even if she is a thieving
little minx. Geoffrey Rush brings life (in a manner
of speaking) to LeChuck, er, Barbosa. As good
as these performances were however, they were
horseshit baby vomit compared to Depp’s
Jack Sparrow. Let’s analyze a few points
her. 1: the best use of body language I’ve
seen in quite a while, possibly since Malcolm
McDowell in A Clockwork Orange. This could’ve
beena silent film, Depp still would have owned.
2: Excellent costuming, writing, and direction.
Depp had a solid supporting crew making this the
most memorable new character I’ve seen in
quite some time. At least since Agent Smith in
‘99. 3: Depp’s delivery. He lets out
every line with some confidence, a little bit
of drunkenness, and a combination of pirate arrogance
and deep seeded resent. Every line is gold, savvy?
4: The robes.. Sure, its not Depp swinging around
on these ropes, but DAMN is it cool. 5: He’s
a fucking pirate! 6: Why is the rum gone?
The pacing in the movie is interesting, but
it works. See, the movie has really only a few
action sequences of any length, but the plot is
frequently paused for a quick getaway jump, a
lightning change of character mood, or a good
look at Ryder in minimal clothing. Just so you
know, I’m going to call her Ryder for the
rest of this review. I think there is all of one
scene in which none of the four leads are on camera,
but that’s okay. As good as the supporting
cast is, they’re truly supporting; they
mean nothing without a pirate leader or a rebellious
daughter. The action is great too. An early swordfight
is one of the best I’ve seen in recent cinema.
Not up with the final duel in Blade or the grudge
match from Willow, but its good. Plus, whenever
Depp’s onscreen, it is impossible to blink,
think, or even touch yourself. Believe me, I tried.
His presence ups the performance of the other
three leads as well. The special effects are strictly
average, but sufficient. The humor is the best
I’ve seen in an action movie this year.
Also, why is the rum gone?
Pretentious, overdone grading.
Acting: 12, Depp defies my all powerful decree
by rising above ten, and dragging everyone else
to ten.
Direction: 10, this was going to be nine, but
I’m counting the fight choreography as direction.
Writing: 10, Depp and LeChuck have great lines,
and while Ryder has a cheese ball one-liner or
two, its not enough to drop the score
Spotlight Comparison:
I really wish I could do Depp here, but I haven’t
seen enough of his stuff. As for Bloom, both he
and the movie are better than either LOR. Two
Towers is very close however, and has better action.
But Aragorn would get his ass whooped by Sparrow,
Legolas would take a pounding form Will Turner,
and Gollem.. Well, let’s face it. Gollem
owns everybody.
|
