Okay...gotta preface this by saying I LOVED The Sixth Sense. I HATED Unbreakable. I LOVED Signs. I HATE....I HATE....I HATE The Village.

Holy fucking shit!! Talk about long, tired and predictable.

Ya know what? They shouldn't call this movie "The Village". They should call it "The Boom Mic". Wanna know why? BECAUSE YOU SEE THE FUCKING THING MORE THAN YOU SEE ANY ACTOR IN THE FILM. There will be a "The Village Drinking Game" and that damn boom mic will be a major player in it. I shit you not. Boom mic all over the fuckin place.

Okay, so let's get into it. These people live in a village surrounded by a forest. Nobody goes out into the forest because there are monsters out there. They don't bother the villagers and the villagers don't bother the monsters. WHEEEE!!! We all on the same page so far? Good.

Okay, so Adrien Brody plays some retarded guy. Joaquin Phoenix plays a quiet guy. And then there's a blind chick named Ivy. Ivy's sister loves quiet guy. Quiet guy doesn't love her. Retarded guy loved blind chick. Blind chick loves quiet guy. Quiet guy loves blind chick back. Retarded guy goes out into the woods. Monsters get pissed and skin dogs or something. Quiet guy wants to venture out into the woods for medicine. Elders say no to quiet guy. Blind chick can see people's colored auras. Quiet guy one day steps out into the woods and then comes back. Monsters come back to town and paint doors this time. Blind chick's sister gets married. Monsters attack again. Blind chick and quiet guy get engaged. Retarded guy gets jealous and stabs quiet guy. Blind chick finds quiet guy and takes him to seek medical attention. Blind chick's father says quiet guy might die unless someone ventures out beyond the woods to get medicine. Blind chick volunteers. Her father admits that monsters were just made up by the village elders to keep order in the village. Blind chick understands and goes into woods. Retarded guy shows up dressed like monster. Blind chick kills him....accidentally...but not really...but kind of. Blind chick makes her way to a wall and climbs it. Back in the village, the elders pull out trinkets like newspaper articles and pictures of them in 1970's looking city. Blind chick is found by Wildlife Marshall dude who is shocked to see her but agrees to help her. He gets her medicine and comes back. She gets back to her village and delivers medicine, never knowing that it's like present day and shit. THE END.

First of all, it wasn't even 30 minutes into the movie and I was going "Dude, if this movie really takes place in present day and these fucks are just in some Koresh compound, I'm gonna be pissed." Hence the piss offedness in my attitude. Just like Unbreakable, this movie crawled by at a snail's pace.

I have to give credit where it's due tho. Some of the performances were top notch. But the story...the direction...the EDITING was fucking horrendous. Just pathetic.

It's a fucking Village in a wildlife preserve in present day America. It's very important that you understand this....the movie is a cross between Encino Man, Bio Dome and Jurassic Park. Two of those have Paulie Shore in them. NOT GOOD TO COMBINE TWO PAULIE SHORE PLOTS!!! It's been a long time since a movie has pissed me off. In fact, I think the last one was Unbreakable. This one makes that sorry piece of shit look like fuckin' Raging Bull. No shit.

So, like I said...be on the lookout for the boom mic. You'll find it in 4 or 5 scenes in this flick.

Don't waste your money on this movie. Go fuckin' see Harold and Kumar or some shit.

Anything but this.