This is a loooong ass entry....but read it...or you die.

SPECIAL THANKS TO TOM, THE GREATEST LETHAL DEADITE IN THE WORLD FOR RE-SIZING AND FIXING THESE HUGE ASS PICTURES!!

Friday: I couldn't make it out to the festivities on Friday. I was just hired on to do some DJ work on another station and I had to go in and train. It's cool tho. I was keeping a real close eye on the schedule of events and there wasn't really anything going on that day that I couldn't make up for later in the weekend. So, I trained and worked and looked forward to the next day where I would enter the world of Wizard and partake in fun and goodness.

Saturday: I woke up at 4 AM, got cleaned up and left for work where I was on the air from 6 to 10 AM. I worked my shift with minimal concentration and enthusiasm. Instead of researching topics to talk about on air, I was on the Wizard web site looking at the schedule and mapping my path so that I could take in and enjoy this to the utmost. I was soo damn excited to be meeting Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes...and along with my buddy, Amy. It was going to be awesome.

I got out of work at about 9:45, hopped in the car and made my way out to the Arlington Convention Center over by the Ballpark.

I got into the convention center and was bombarded by security guys asking me where my ticket was. I had press passes waiting for me and Amy at the front desk (I'll come back to this...it plays a role in a funny story that happened on Sunday) so I met with Lori, the Press Rep and got everything squared away. From there, I stepped into the showroom....LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

The first thing you notice is this HUGE Punisher skull all the way across the showroom floor on the opposite wall.

I'm Not Lying. It's Fucking Huge!

I figured it was safe to assume that this would be where the Punisher movie promo people were located. I looked around the area and instantly felt a little bit of geek pride and awe wash over me as I browsed the DC Comics booth, the Marvel Comics booth, the View Askew booth and soo much more. There was everything from movies, toys and comics to trading cards and games. It was soo much to take in all at once and I do not doubt that I looked like a small child lost in a toy store and not caring one bit.


I checked my program and saw that Jim Lee was going to be holding a Q & A in just a few minutes in one of the auditoriums. I just HAD to be there. Jim Lee is responsible for the art and images that most effected me as a kid reading comics. He's drawn for the Punisher, the Uncanny X-Men, Wolverine, Batman and soon his work on Superman will be out. At the peak of my reading comics, Jim Lee had started an all new X-Men series.

WARNING: COMICS HISTORY LESSON - There was a time when all the X-Men were believed dead and Wolverine was stuck in the hands of the Reavers. They hunted and tortured Wolverine until he felt that all hope was lost. Wolverine was on the verge of giving up on it all....thinking all his friends were dead and gone, what did he have left to fight for? It was then that a little girl named Jubilee rescued Logan and together they escaped. Soon after that, they stumbled across Psylocke who had been drastically changed from her trip through the Siege Perilous. Long story short (too late) Wolverine and Psylocke were re-united and, along with Jubilee, they began their search for the X-Men. That's the basic jist of it. Jim Lee started drawing around this time. It was also the same time that Storm had been found by a dashing young man named Gambit and was basically trying to find her friends. END OF LESSON.

The guy played a huge part in molding who would end up being my favorite comic book character and role model for many many years to come. I couldn't think of a better way to spend time than to go and listen to him speak. I started making my way to the showroom exit and right there at one of the booths was George Perez. The guy who's spent more time in comics than ink itself. He's drawn JLA, the Avengers and recently a crossover of the two titles that Perez has been pushing to make for the past 20 years. There were only like 3 people in line so I jumped in there, pulled out my copy of JLA/Avengers and met my first comics talent of the day. He was a hell of a guy and very appreciative of his fans. I told him that I really enjoy his work to which he said "I've spent almost 30 years in the business...it's a blast." I responded with "It's been our pleasure...keep it up". I put my book away and remembered that I had a Q & A to get to.

It took me a few tried but I ended up finding the Wizard auditorium and it turned out that Jim was running late so I had time to go grab a seat. It was actually a really fun and entertaining talk. He discussed the differences between his X-Men days and now. The ways he's grown as an artist. How he went from a hot comic artist to the owner of his own comic book line to merging his line with DC Comics and now drawing for two of DC's biggest comic names. He made some humorous comparisons about how drawing Superman differs greatly from drawing Batman. He said that Batman was always in the dark and shadows. You could always draw some fog to cover up his feet. Apparently, Jim Lee hates drawing feet. Says that ankles are just to "weird". With Superman, he can't get away from it. He flies....you have to show his feet constantly. I cracked up at this...but then again, I'm a comic dork.

When they opened up the floor for questions from the audience, I quietly got up and made my way to the signing room where Jim Lee would be signing autographs after the Q & A. I figured that it would be a packed line to meet this guy and I wanted to get whatever head start I could. It wasn't a bad idea at all. The room was half full when I got in there. I got my place in line, sat down and started reading some comics that I had brought along with me. I made a call to Crimson who was on his way. He wasn't too interested in attending the Q & A but he's a huge Batman fan and Jim's recent run on Batman was excellent. He wanted to get Jim to sign his copy of one of the Batman books. I was growing concerned because the room was filling up but he said he was on his way, so I hung up and got back to reading.

This is where I want to take another time out and talk a bit about waiting in line. I don't mind waiting in line for stuff. Especially waiting in line to meet a hero like Jim Lee. I DO mind, however, standing in line and someone wanting to make small talk with me. Let me clarify that. I don't mind making conversation...but only if I make it obvious that I don't mind talking. If I have my face buried in a book, I'm not currently welcoming any conversation. Not to be too judgemental either but the folks in lines at a comic convention aren't exactly the types that I am too overly eager to get to talking with. Most of these folks are smelly, clingy and have no concept of sociality. Most of the time, they attempt to talk with you just so you can give them a platform to talk about themselves and what useless, stupid accomplishment they've recently achieved in their small, fruitless lives. I DON'T FUCKING CARE! Now I know that's probably very hypocritical and dickheaded but that's just one of the few things that I guess I'm a dick about. I usually don't go to things like that to make friends. I may be one of you as far as being a comic book geek...but I'm a little more picky when it comes to people whom I allow access to me. Okay....I think that pretty much wraps up my rant for now. I'm sure I'll come back to it.

Okay, where was I? Oh yeah...I was reading some comics. It was probably a good 20 - 30 minutes before Jim Lee came into the room. At that point, everyone got to their feet and the line kinda smooshed together. I was forced to put my comics away and start the long trek through the line. It was at that point that I called Crimson again. I told him that Jim Lee was in the room and that the line had become LONG AS HELL. He was still in traffic on his way out to the convention center. I told him to hurry his ass and then got off the phone. I can't stand being "that guy" who's on the phone while in line surrounded by a bunch of other people. Unfortunately, the asshole behind me had no qualms with it. He was on the phone for an hour...speaking loud enough for the people at both ends of the room to hear him. He made sure to try to say a lot of stuff that he thought was funny to try to get a reaction out of people around him. I swear to God. Sometimes people just suck. I noticed something about the same time the guy behind me got off the phone...the line was moving miserably slow. I didn't know what the hell was going on. So, here I was. Stuck in a room that was growing warmer by the second. Stuck up against people who probably hadn't seen a shower since the last time some artist drew a scantily clad superheroine out in the rain. IT WAS STINKY! Stinky....and MAN this line was moving slow. That's when everyone hushed up and Jim Lee made an announcement. "Hey guys, there's like 140 people in here and I only have 2 hours to sign stuff for everyone. That's 120 minutes. As much as I'd like to do sketches for all of you, I just can't. So, if anyone has a pair of dice or anything we can make a game of it. If you roll a 12, I'll do a sketch for you. Those are good odds, right?" Everyone seemed agreeable. I mean, I didn't really care. I would have dug a sketch from Jim Lee but ya know what? I got like 200 fucking comics the guy has drawn. I just wanna meet him, shake his hand and get an autograph. After that, the line started moving a bit quicker. It was then that I started thinking to myself, "Doing sketches? They have 140 people in line and this guy is going to make sketches? Who has the time for that bullshit?" I was getting kinda surly.

I was moving steadily down the line and a few people were talking around me to each other. They were discussing the Kevin Smith Q & A that I was sooo anxious to attend. They had mentioned something about having to pick up tickets for it. I was kinda confused but I managed to pick up from the conversation that, apparently, the situation goes like this: first you have to buy tickets to the actual convention...then you had to buy tickets to get in to the Kevin Smith Q&A!? WHAT THE FUCK!!?? However, I felt that having Press Passes would ensure me a place in the Q & A. I kinda eased myself in the situation and looked around the room and noticed that they weren't letting any more people in line and there was no Crimson. I called Crimson again and apparently he was still on the road. I let him know that the line was closed down. He was kinda down about that but I remembered that I had brought with me a trade paperback edition of Wolverine vs. The Punisher, a re-issue of a two issue series that Jim Lee drew from The Punisher War Journal. Crimson is into the Punisher just as much as he's into Batman so I offered to have Jim Lee sign that and then we'd see if he could get another copy of the book for me. In return, I asked him for a favor. To get with Lori, the press person, and see if we're able to get into the Kevin Smith Q&A with our press passes. He agreed and then I hung up so I could wait in the line some more.

The line moved ever slowly as the minutes ticked away. Eventually I got close enough to see what was taking soo long. Not only were people rolling some 12's and getting sketches but there were also some that were dropping like 20 comics on the table and Jim, being the nice guy he is, signed every freakin' one of them. The guy behind me was one of these people. He had like 50 comics that he wanted signed and ended up asking me if I would mind taking some to have signed for him so he wouldn't look like too much of a dick. I agreed to take some but no more than 4 or 5 books. I wasn't about to take up too much of his time. It already made me feel bad because now I was contributing to one of these assholes exploiting this opportunity to make a quick buck. Allow me to vent again.

ANOTHER RANT: I am all about meeting these artists and writers and getting signatures but am I the only collector that does it because it actually means something to him? I choose 1 or 2 comics that are really important to me and I have the artist or writer sign that. There is no other excuse to have 50 fucking comics signed other than wrapping them up and selling them off. And, hey, YAY for capitalism and all that but, personally, it sickens me. Go out and find a talent at something and make your own money. Don't just horde up on shit you can sell. Something that someone else visualized and created that you're getting name stamped on and selling for like 5,000% over list price just because you know there's someone out there not as fortunate as you are to have this wonderful opportunity to meet this person and is willing to pay any price to have something touched and signed by a hero of his. It pisses me off. Fucking vultures. END OF RANT.

But I agreed to it because, frankly, I was in no mood to be stuck in line for another hour with a dork who's holding a grudge. Crimson called me back around this time to let me know that he had arrived and that he talked with Lori and she said that there was no press section for the Kevin Smith Q&A. You MUST have tickets. No ticket, no seat. I was BUMMED but I didn't want to accept that this was all she wrote. There were some people in line with me from a radio station in Houston...also part of the Clear Channel family. They had Lori's number and I called her up. I explained that I was stuck in a line but that I wanted to talk about the Kevin Smith Q&A. I begged, pleaded and lied to this woman and she didn't budge. I HAD to have a ticket for the Kevin Smith Q&A to get in. No exceptions. Apparently, these tickets went on sale as soon as doors opened that morning and they had sold out within minutes. WELL NO SHIT! I wish I'd have known. I wouldn't have been able to get tickets anyway. Doors opened at 10 and I arrived at 10:20. That was when I had to make my call to Amy and tell her the bad news. She had scrambled to get folks to watch her kid and now I had to tell her that she did it all for nothing. I was already bummed, now I got to deliver bad news. It sucked. Luckily, she was still able to make a productive day out of it.

It seemed like forever but I was finally reaching the head of the line. This is when one of the coolest things ever happened. One of the people just ahead of me rolled a 12 and Jim Lee made a sketch for him. It was amazing watching the man work. For a sketch that only took 5 minutes, it looked like something I could have spent 4 days on and not even come close to matching. For years I've read his comics and marveled at his art and now I got to stand there and watch him create. It was an amazing experience that I will not soon forget or take for granted. It was finally my turn and I laid my (and Crimson's and the guy behind me's) comics on the table and Jim started signing away. I rolled an 8 but that wasn't really all that important to me. I mean, a sketch would have ruled but I'm happy with what I have. While he was signing I stopped him and asked him if I could shake his hand. He dropped the pen and shook my hand and I proceeded to make a huge ass of myself. I start in with "I just want to thank you for all your work. The imagery that you've created have been a form of inspiration and comfort for me for a long time." He goes "Oh. You draw?" I kinda deflated at this and went "No. I just read. I just wanted you to know that it's been a thrill to see things through your eyes." He thanked me for that and I cursed myself for coming across like such a fan boy. But dammit...that's Jim fucking Lee. I got the guy behind me to take a picture of me with Jim as payment for getting his books signed.

Joe meets Jim Lee

I grabbed my stuff and left the room and despite being handed a pretty sour hand with the Kevin Smith situation, I still held my head high after meeting someone who has truly been a hero of mine.

I picked up the phone and called Crimson to find out where he was. He was hanging out with Doomsayer in the showroom. Time for the Aqua Teen Hunger Force to assemble and hit this convention X-Men style. I gave Crimson the Punisher vs. Wolverine book that Jim Lee signed and I was answered with the sweetest, sexiest embrace that a man could possibly give another man while still being 100% hetero and macho. From there, we started wandering around. We checked out all the various booths. Looked at the different toys and props and comics and games. It was good times. It didn't take me long to realize that I really needed to get my ass to an ATM so I could get some money out so I could buy a thing or two at this damn convention. I came back into the showroom and noticed that Marvel stud, Joe Quesada, was sitting down getting ready to do a siging. Seeing as how this is the man responsible for Marvel publishing the Origin of Wolverine...I just HAD to meet this guy and see if I could get a signature on my hardcover of Origin. I found the end of the line and was about to take my place when some jag off in an orange shirt came up and says "This line is capped off. Come back later." I was like "WHAT!?" He goes "Yeah, too many people. Come back later and we'll see if we can fit you in." So, like a hawk I circled around the Playstation display and kept coming around. "Is the line still capped?" He'd say "Yes." I'd go away for about 15 seconds and then come back. "Is the line still capped?" He'd sigh and go "Yep." I gave up and went to find the boys. They were hanging out over at the Artist's Alley where some of the lesser known comic artists were hanging out. They were trying to get some sketches done. That was cool. So I just wandered around a bit. I went over and checked out the Punisher movie display. Right next to that is where they had Peter Mayhew. I would have gone up to say "hi" but I still have a sour taste in my mouth from when he came up to the station a couple years back so I didn't bother. Next to him was Lou Ferigno. No shit, the former jolly green one himself. I actually was about to go over and meet him and then I read the sign on his table. "$20". Twenty fucking dollars to meet a guy who used to paint himself green and tip over garden furniture and bend fake bars for a living!? Fuck no!

I walked around a bit more and then went back over to see what the guys were up to. They were actually starting to make their way out of the showroom because a Q&A was about to begin involving Mike Mignola (creator and artist of Hellboy) and Guillermo Del Toro (Director of Blade II and the upcoming Hellboy movie). Crimson. Doomsayer and Doomsayer's little brother really wanted to go attend this so I followed along. On our way out of the showroom, we passed the table where Joe Quesada was signing. There was like one guy standing there getting an autograph so I went up to the security guy. It was a different person this time. "Hey, man, is the line capped for Quesada?" He looked at me and goes "If you go over there right now, you can get behind that guy? That guy he's with right now is the last one. Go on over there. Hurry." I didn't miss a step. I went over, pulled out my hardcover of Origin and laid it down. "Hey, Joe, it's awesome to meet you. You mind signing this?" He was a friendly guy "Not at all. You want it personalized?" I was blown away. I just wanted a handshake and a signature...this guy was willing to personalize it. I said "Sure...that's much more than I anticipated. Make it out to Joe please." So, he started signing and the fanboy in me decided to take over....again. "I really want to thank you for telling this story." I said. Quesada looked kinda confused and answered with "What story?" Then he closed the book and looked at the cover and goes "OH!! Yeah....this one. hehehe Glad you enjoyed it." "Yeah, as a Wolverine fan since he was six years old" I started but Joe cut me off "You've been a fan of Wolverine since he was six?" "No....no no no" I replied "When I was six. I've been a fan since I was six" I explained. Joe laughed and nodded his head like he understood now. "All these years I've followed this character" I began "I've become soo emotionally involved with him and his own personal persuit to figure out who he is and where he comes from has become an obsession for me as well. I appreciate you finally allowing the readers in deeper than they ever thought to be." I don't remember exactly how he said what he said after that but it was along the lines of "When I get fans like you up here who say that, it makes it very clear that we made the right decision. Thank you." I thanked him and grabbed my book and walked back over to my buddies where Crimson freaked out and threw me a high five with a "DUDE!! You just met Joe Quesada! That Rules!!"

From there, we continued to the auditorium where Guillermo Del Toro and Mike Mignola were holding their Q&A. The guys went in and found seats. I popped my head in and at that moment my phone rang. It was Amy confirming that she wouldn't be coming out so I told her I was sorry for not knowing about the tickets thing but told her I'd grab her something from the View Askew booth. I popped my head back in the auditorium to get a look at the crowd and stuff and pulled out my program. I was kinda interested in seeing the stuff on Hellboy but I noticed that right after, Mignola and Del Toro would be in the signing room I was in earlier for Jim Lee. I had brought my Batman : Gotham By Gaslight that Mike Mignola drew with the intention of getting his signature on it so I made my way over to the signing room where only 4 people were waiting. I felt fortunate that I had been able to get in this line early enough for a good, close spot. It was a good 40 minutes before Mignola and Del Toro arrived but they eventually made it. The room filled up with people from the Q&A and I got to watch the line fill up from the front of the room. It was kinda cool. Didn't take long at all for me to get up to the table. I handed my book to Mignola and he paused. Everyone else had Hellboy stuff. I was the only person who had a Batman book for him to sign. It's one of my favorite Batman stories. It's a "What if Batman was in London at the time of Jack the Ripper" kinda thing. He looked at the art and went "Man, it's been a long time since I've looked at this. It's funny how far we come yet how much some things stay the same." At that same time, Guillermo Del Toro was signing a Hellboy movie poster for me and looking over Mike's shoulder to see the Batman book. I replied with "Yeah, I love that book, man. Some of the greatest images in Batman's entire history are in that thing." Mike signed it while I was saying that and thanked me and was about to hand it back when Guillermo Del Toro snatched it to look at it. Mike grabbed my movie poster and not only signed it but sketched Hellboy on it for me which I thought was really cool while Del Toro flipped through the book. This is where Del Toro with his heavily accented voice cracked me up. "Look at this! This is good stuff...and you leave me with this Hellboy shit!? I'm very disappointed in you." Me, Mike and everyone in line were cracking up. To a comic geek, it was pretty great.

I left the room and picked up the phone and tried to find the guys but they were nowhere to be found. Crimson had to leave early to go to work but Doomsayer and his bro were planning on staying late. I just couldn't find them or get Doomsayer on his phone. With nothing else to do, I went over to the showroom again and Looked around a little more. I wasn't in the showroom too long before I heard an announcement on the overhead speakers "Ladies and gentlemen, Paul Jenkins is now signing at the Wizard Booth" NO WAY!! Paul Jenkins is the guy who wrote Origin and is also writing the Wolverine : The End storyline. This guy was a MUST MEET on my list. How fortunate that I was already at the Wizard booth. So, I just took two steps to the right and found myself in a good place in line to meet Paul Jenkins. I pulled out my copy of Origin and waited for the line to move so I could get up there. Again, people were walking up with like stacks of 30 comics for the guy to sign. Refer to my earlier rant about this shit. This is where I had one of my two encounters with an absolute dickhead over the weekend. Some guy just kinda walked up from nowhere and was trying to cut in line right in front of me. I spend 10 minutes staring at some dude's dirty leather jacket and then, suddenly, some jackass in a Spider-Man shirt thinks he's gonna try to slip in right in front of me. I didn't want to say anything. I just started kinda closing down the distance between me and the guy who was rightfully in front of me. Just kinda pushing this guy back out of the line. Then this dude pulls the dumbest thing ever. He puts his hand on me and goes "Hey, man, what's the deal?" I tried to give this guy the meanest look I could possibly muster. "What's the deal!?" I responded "The deal is that I've been here waiting in line about 20 minutes longer than you have but somehow you think you're going to slide up in front of me. That's not even what has me pissed. What has me pissed is that you thought you were gonna do that without even acknowledging me standing right here." He looked at me like I was crazy and that he was gonna do something about it. "No, dude....this is my place in line." I almost came unhinged. "Listen, man." I replied "Let me put it like this...you might get away with this crap with other people but you don't know me, man. I've been up since 5 AM and I'm in no mood for it....so let's just do this the right way, okay?" The guy looked at me, gave me a shitty look and then walked off to the end of the line. I wanted to intimidate him but I think I succeeded more in just annoying him enough to help him realize that he didn't want me near him in line. Paul Jenkins seemed like a fun guy. At one point, he stopped the line and grabbed a bag of trail mix. He started eating and then would hand people pieces of food and dare them to throw it at Lou Ferigno. I was dying...it was nice to know that most of these guys were fun personalities. I eventually got up to Paul Jenkins and had him sign my hardcover of Origin on the same page as Joe Quesada's signature. Again, I thanked Paul for telling the story of Wolverine's origin. He seemed happy that I dug it and explained "It's very important to me as well that we understand who Wolverine is. It's not soo much of a question of where he comes from but who is this guy? What drives him? We know about all these other characters and why they do what they do...but this guy has been soo elusive. These are things we explored in Origin and will be exploring more in The End." I responded with "I hear ya, man. I'm loving the stories and I think you're doing excellent work." "Well thank you" Jenkins said "It's been a wonderful time writing these things and presenting them to the readers. It's gonna be exciting to see what happens in the follow up to Origin." I stopped at this like my whole body had hit a brick wall. "What!? You guys are going to make a follow up to Origin!?" Paul Jenkins just winked at me, nodded his head and smiled and then moved on to the next person in line....leaving me to freak the hell out all by my lonesome. What the hell is there to follow Origin up with!?

I got back to wandering around a bit more and stumbled across a booth that was selling replica X-Men jackets and Wolverine claws. It was pretty packed tho so I decided I would come back later and check it out. This is about the time I found Doomsayer and his little bro. They had apparently left to go get something to eat. Kinda wish I’d known but then again, it was MY choice to split from the group when they went to the Del Toro and Mignola Q&A. We wandered around some more and they ended up checking out some more of the artists doing sketches. I told them I’d be right back and went over to the View Askew booth.

For some reason there was a huge group of people by the View Askew booth. I asked someone what was going on and they said “Jason Mewes is gonna be doing a signing.” So, I kinda stepped in line and started browsing the merchandise that View Askew was selling. That’s when another dude in an orange shirt walked up and kinda sat right in front of me. A few other people came up and stood behind me and he told them that the line for Mewes had been capped, he noticed my press pass and Eagle shirt and started chatting with me. Apparently this guy used to listen to Cindy Scull back when he lived in California and he was a huge fan of the Eagle now. He had come up for a couple Free Beer Fridays back when Mikey was on the station. So, we chatted for a while. I ended up coming right out and asking “Is the line for Jason really capped with you?” He goes “Yeah….but, dude, I’ll let ya slide in….but with as long as the line is, he’ll most likely flake out and stop after an hour and not even get to you.” I thanked him and told him “Yeah, I really don’t want to waste another hour just standing in line right now. I’ll come on back by and see how it looks…thank you tho. That’s very cool of you.” So I stepped out of line and stepped up to the other side of the View Askew booth to buy something. That’s when this guy comes around the corner from inside the booth. For some reason, I recognize this guy…but from where? Maybe I’ve seen him at a comic shop somewhere. Tall…distinct voice….where the hell did I know this guy from? Then it hit me. IT’S FUCKING STEVE-DAVE!!!

Crimson and Bryan Johnson

One of Kevin Smith’s childhood friends, Bryan Johnson, who plays Steve-Dave in most of Kev’s movies. I got a little excited but noticed that he seemed pretty miserable and unapproachable. I looked around a bit more and noticed they were selling a Steve-Dave action figure so I decided to open up some conversation. “Hey, man, can I ask you a question?” He goes “Sure” “If I buy a Steve-Dave action figure, will you sign it for me?” I asked. He suddenly took on a whole new demeanor. He smiled and goes “Sure, man. Gimme one sec.” He walked around the back of the booth and came back with a few of his action figures, pulled out a pen and goes “Okay, what’s your name?” I go “Oh no…can you sign it to Amy?” He says “Sure. Who is she?” “Oh she’s just a friend of mine, she couldn’t make it today.” I replied. He nodded his head and signed what I thought was the longest autograph ever. Then I realized why. He gives the toy to me and I read what he wrote “To Amy, Joe told me that he likes you more than just a friend. Bryan Johnson” I was in shock. I go “Oh Jesus, man. Her husband is gonna love that.” And he starts laughing at me. No shit. “You’re killing me, man” I continue. He laughs some more. I go “Alright, well thank you very much and I’ll take a set of the Mallrats blueprints.” I give him the money, he gives me my change and goes “Good luck" and I go “Yeah yeah…thanks…ya fuckin clerk.” He laughed again and I thanked him for real and made my way back to Doomsayer and his little bro.

They were still over by the artists. I told them about what had happened and showed them Bryan Johnson’s “note” to Amy and they both had a good laugh. We kinda wandered around aimlessly for a few minutes. We were by the Wizard booth and they were playing a spin the wheel kinda game. You basically walk up, give these two guys a topic. If you get the answer right, you could spin the wheel. If you got it wrong, you had to take a dare or something.

This Guy Was Dared To Do Push Ups. LOSER!!

Everyone was walking up with these comics categories. I didn’t know what to choose. It was my turn and these guys go “Pick a category” I ask “Any category.” They go “Anything!” So, with a cocky smile I go “Italian food”. These two look at each other for a second like “What the fuck?” and one of them goes “Okay…it’s a heavy, creamy sauce used in…” I cut him off “Alfredo sauce” and just spin the wheel without any instruction. I didn’t do this soo much to be a prick but to make Doomsayer and his brother laugh. And they did. Loud. So, I won this $20 dollar comic and we got back to wandering around.

Doomsayer remembered that they were giving away free Heroclix if you attend a demonstration. Heroclix is like a strategy battle game where you use your favorite comic book heroes to do battle against each other. You can use a number of scenarios…but the way we play is last man standing wins. So, we went over to the Wizkids display and, yes, there were a lot of little kids there….but Heroclix rules, so we got in on a demonstration. They needed a couple of people to play against each other for the demo so I volunteered and my opponent…..a 5 year old kid. The kid got to pick his pieces first. Each character has a point value and you usually put armies together in groups that make up 100 points or 200 or 300 and so forth. Basically you have to match each other’s point value to have a fair fight. His army: Superman, Robin and the Huntress. Superman alone is like a shitload of points. So, then he had to pick some lesser people…that’s where Robin and the Huntress come in. So, to match his point value of his team, I chose Clayface, Harley Quinn, Man-Bat, Bane and The Joker. At the onset of the game, I turned to Doomsayer and his brother and said “Man, I’m not gonna be that guy who beats a 5 year old kid at a game.” So, I started out making stupid moves on purpose so the kid would take me out one by one….but, man, what is it about 5 year old kids? They’re sooo stupid and have no sense of strategy. Simply put, the game was lasting forever…but I was dealing with it. Eventually, the kid took out my Bane character who was duking it out with Superman. When Bane died, the kid started prancing around and celebrating and stuff. That’s when something in me clicked and I went into asshole mode.

*Let me first preface this by saying that a 5 year old kid should do nothing else but prance around and celebrate when they are doing well in a game. I love children*

I proceeded to beat the holy shit out of this kid……in the game I mean. I went into Napoleon mode and started getting strategic like a mofo. First off, I split one of my forces. Joker took off to go have a shoot out with the Huntress. Joker won. Man-Bat, Harley Quinn and Clayface surrounded Robin and took him out. But not before Superman took out Man-Bat. With only one character left to take out, I converged on the Man of Steel. Harley Quinn didn’t make it but Joker and Clayface took him out in record time. And you know what the sick part is? I enjoyed it. And I didn’t make it a secret. This little kid didn’t really mind much but his mother just kept looking at me like I was a monster for beating her son sooo badly. I keep convincing myself that I did it to make the game go by quicker…but I think there was maybe a tinge of pride in there for shattering a little boy’s dreams. Hehehehehehe We were awarded our free clix and I gave the kid mine and thanked him for a good game and he ran off happy as hell because he had more toys. Who knows? Maybe some day that child will come find me in 50 years and take me out like Vito returning to Sicily to avenge his father in the Godfather II.

So, victorious, I wandered around with Doomsayer and his brother a bit more. I was starting to feel tired and I looked at my watch. Egad!! It was a little after 5. Kevin Smith’s Q&A would be lasting only a few more minutes. I told Doomsayer and company that I was taking off, thanked them for a good time and made my way over to the auditorium to see if I could sneak in. No such luck. The doors were closed and they had security posted at the hallways before the aforementioned doors to keep people from trying to sneak in or even listen in. I waited till the Q&A was done, saw the tops of Kevin and Jay’s heads and walked out to my car. It was pretty uneventful from that point on. I went home for a few minutes…then I checked in with Gallion. I decided to pack up some stuff and head out to hang out with him. He and Crimson wanted to go again the next day…as did I, so we planned on meeting up for that. Got to Gallion's, hung out at his place for a few hours, performed some open heart cleaning on my PS2 and then went to my mom’s place to sleep for the night.

Sunday: I woke up around 9 AM. My family was up and getting ready for the day. I turned on the T.V. There was some Blue Collar comedy thing on Comedy Central. I got up, got cleaned up and called Gallion. He was brushing his teeth and said he hadn’t heard from Crimson. I told him I was on the way and that I would call Crimson on my way to his place. Called Crimson, he was just waking up but he was still good to go. I got to Gallion's….he was still in his PJ’s. I was like an impatient child….I was pacing and wanted to leave like NOW. Hehehehe He finally finished getting ready and then we went on over to Crimson's place. From there, we loaded up into Crimson's SUV and took off for Arlington. We hit 35 and suddenly traffic got really shitty. That’s when the Professor (Gallion) pipes up from the back “Hey, the Cowboys are playing at home today aren’t they?” Both Crimson and I go “Fuck" and just hunch over in our seats. We sat in traffic for about 10 minutes or so until I talked Crimson into getting over a couple lanes and just taking 35 all the way to 30. Apparently, he was gonna try to take some Loop 12 thing. He got out of our lane and started moving really well. We were in Arlington in no time.

Crimson Has Issues With Dragon Ball. Don't Bring It Up To Him. He Get's Crazy.

We already had it planned out. Crimson wanted to get signatures from Joe Quesada, Paul Jenkins (refer to Saturday for these two) and Darick Robertson who is the artist drawing Wolverine in the new series. Unfortunately, they were all signing at the exact same time in 3 different places. As soon as we walked in, Crimson took his place in the lobby signing area to meet Joe Quesada. Gallion and I went into the showroom. Darick Robertsom was signing at the Wizard booth and Paul Jenkins was signing at the Top Cow booth. Luckily, they were right next to each other so I could kinda coach Gallion into when he should go over to meet Jenkins.

Gallion doesn’t really know much about comics.

I Like Sports! What The Fuck Am I Doing Here!?

He never really followed them. Before the movies came out, the most he knew about the X-Men was either what I told him or what was in the Saturday morning cartoon.

The line was already starting to form at the Wizard booth for Darick Robertson. I had Crimosn's copy of Born and a copy of the new Wolverine #1 (both drawn by Robertson.) I got in line and just told Gallion to stick with me until I told him to go to the Top Cow booth. At the moment, there was no crowd and nothing much really happening at the Top Cow area. Crimson had his copy of Origin and Doomsayer's Daredevil book that Quesada drew for Kevin Smith. An integral part of the plan was that we get Crimson through his line with Quesada quickly so he could make it to Gallion to get Paul Jenkins to sign his Origin book as well. Are you following along okay? So, Gallion stood in line with me with mine and Crimson's copies of The End for Paul Jenkins to sign. Well, as it turns out, Paul Jenkins ended up signing at the Wizard booth with Darick Robertson. It was a fortunate turn of events. That way, Gallion could just stay with me in line. So, I called Crimson and told him that Jenkins would be at the Wizard booth with Robertson. He seemed satisfied that he only had to find us in one area and I hung up. So, Darick Robertson showed up and sat down to start signing. The line moved slowly yet steadily. Again, assholes with like 50 comics coming up wanting each one signed and shit. As we got closer, I noticed that Paul Jenkins was nowhere to be found.. I kept looking around but I couldn’t find the guy. I thought that maybe he had decided to go to the Top Cow booth where he was supposed to be. I called Crimson again and told him to take a look at the Top Cow booth on his way back in because Jenkins might be there instead. He said he was close to meeting Quesada and that he would be on his way. We hung up again. Gallion and I moved slowly through the line some more. Paul Jenkins had returned with some breakfast. (sigh) So, I picked up the phone again and called Crimson….again. I let him know that Jenkins was there…he thanked me…we hung up. Well, Jenkins couldn’t wait while Robertson sketched for everyone and like signed 50 books. He had a plane he had to catch in about 45 minutes. So he got up and started moving through the line. He would ask if anyone was there for him and then he would sign their stuff. He signed the books Gallion had and I thought that would be a good time to call Crimson….YET AGAIN and let him know that he best gets to steppin’. So, I called him and apparently he was standing right behind me. I pointed out Paul Jenkins and told him that he better get in line so he could get his Origin book signed. He went and got in line and Gallion and I got closer to Darick Robertson. That was when we noticed that Crimson was standing next to some tool wearing night vision goggles. Gallion goes “Dude, call Crimson and ask him what’s up with the guy with the night vision goggles.” So I did. Crimson answers the phone “WHAT!!?? You’ve called me like 15 times within a 30 minute time span.” I was a bit offended by this. I responded with “Oh! Okay, dickhead. I just find it fortunate for us to be spread out and I can keep you informed as to where people are so you can expect where to go to meet them while you’re stuck in line for someone else.” He laughed and said he was kidding and I asked him about the guy next to him with the night vision goggles. He tried not to look and said he was hanging up. Gallion just stood there and laughed….I guess night vision goggles are funny to him….granted…the guy looked like a major tool. So, we eventually got up to Darick Robertson. I shook his hand, told him I loved his work on Wolverine. He was gracious and really cool. I got a picture with him and he sketched a quick Wolverine on the cover of my Wolverine #1 and personalized it and signed it.

Joe Meets Darick Robertson

It was pretty neat. He signed Crimson's book to and then we went to see Crimson at the end of the line.

As we walked up, I could see that Crimson was in “Tunnel Vision” mode. He’s kinda like me. Doesn’t really want to make friends in a line. The guy in the night vision goggles was talking around him to some other comic fan holding like a box of comics on his shoulder. I walked up and I heard the guy in the goggles go “I wish I knew how to get press passes.” I reply with “Easy, you gotta be a member of the press. Here’s your book, Crimson.” Crimson was appreciative but this tool in the goggles kept talking. “I AM a member of the press.” I’m still talking with Crimson “Yeah, I had him sign it to you there on the front page.” “Cool!” Crimson replied. But the tool kept going “I AM a member of the press.” I was getting annoyed at this guy “Yeah? Who?” “411Mania.” He replies. “Oh, really?” I said “Never heard of them.” (because I hadn’t. I mean, come on. We live in a day and age where anyone with 30 bucks can have a website. It doesn’t entitle us to press passes) So this guy starts getting informative with me “Well, we’re a website…” I’m only half listening while I start organizing my comics in my bag. “We do reviews and features and contests and…” I stand up and cut him off “And do you write them in the dark?” “Do I write in the dark?” he asks. I take the time to zip up my bag and point out to Crimson that Paul Jenkins is almost there. Again the tool asks “Do I write in the dark? What do you mean?” I give this guy a totally annoyed look like he’s a bothersome child and start kinda pointing from my head to his head back and forth. “The uhhh…night vision specs. Do you use those to write in the dark?” This is where the guy gets huffy. “It’s a costume.” And he pulls out his business card. I look at it and it says “Starman” Matt something or other. But here’s the kicker. His title is “Comic Book Historian and Critic”.

*Get the fuck out of here. Where do you go to get that job? Like do I have to have a Masters or something or can I do that Sally Struthers vocational school for that? *

He says again “I’m in costume in honor of my namesake.” No shit. The guy used the word “namesake”. I just kinda looked at him funny…didn’t take his card and went “Oh. Okay, Crimson, we’re gonna kinda wander around. We’ll be back in a bit.” Gallion and I proceeded to walk away and laugh our asses off. We walked over to the place between the Punisher movie set up and the celebrity autograph booths. I organized my comics in my bag and Gallion called Crimson.

Gallion Warns Crimson of The Starman.

Crimson picked up…annoyed that his phone was ringing again and Gallion started going off about Starman with the night vision goggles. I was enjoying the whole exchange. Watching Crimson as he tried to act casual so the guy wouldn’t think he was talking about him but hearing the shit Gallion was saying. “Don’t let him take you into space, Crimson! Call us if he does.” We got a good laugh out of it as Crimson hung up. It looked like it was going to be a while and I remembered I had brought my Snake Plissken comic because the Hurricane booth was there. Hurricane is the company that publishes The Snake Plissken Chronicles comic. Gallion and I walked over and things looked pretty quiet. There was a guy behind the table but I didn’t really look to see who he was…I was too busy looking at some of the artwork and comics they had. “How you guys doing?” he asked “Doin’ okay…thanks.” “Have you guys seen our comic before?” “Oh yeah” I replied “I’m a big fan. Huge Kurt Russell fan. Huge Snake fan. It’s a killer book.” “Thanks” he said “I write it.” I was shocked….I couldn’t believe I didn’t look at the badge around his neck. It was William O’Neil and he, sure as shit, writes the comic. I was like “Right on, man. Hey, I brought my copy of issue #1. Would you mind signing it?” He did. We talked about the current story arc. And the next few stories that will be taking place. He was a nice guy. Very talkative and I really felt bad about taking up his time so I kinda tried to move it along quickly. Apparently, the artist of the book, Tone Rodriguez, was supposed to be there too. I asked where he was and William said he was in a panel…that he would be back in about 45 minutes. So I decided to come back later and meet Tone. We trekked back to the Wizard booth to see how Crimson was doing.

He was about a person or two away from Paul Jenkins. The tool with the goggles was talking with him right now offering Paul Jenkins one of his cards. (sigh) Fuckin’ people. So, Crimson finally gets his book signed and we regroup. He decides to try that spin wheel game that I played the day before.

Crimson Spins The Wheel. Look! I'm Having Phone Sex In The Background!

My phone rings so I give Gallion the camera and tell him to get some pictures of Crimson playing the game and start wandering around talking on the phone.

What Are The Chances I'm The Only Guy In Wizard World History to Have Phone Sex On The Convention Floor?

The call didn’t last too long. I got off the phone and caught up with Crimson and Gallion. Crimson played the game and won and we got some photos…all was good. From there, we just wandered around a bit more. We looked at more comics and games and stuff. Crimson decided he was going to buy a green lantern and have it signed by the creator of the original Green Lantern comic book hero. This was going to be a gift for Doomsayer since he is such a huge Green Lantern fan. He went off to do that and Gallion and I posted up at the Playstation area where I tried out some SOCOM II. I basically just killed my team mates and got bored of it. We left and walked around a bit more. We checked out the booth with the X-Men jackets and the Wolverine claws. $200 dollars for a jacket. $250 for a set of Wolverine claws. FUCK THAT. We walked off to go look at some more things in the single and double digit areas. We weren’t looking long when I reminded Crimson that Steve-Dave (Bryan Johnson) was at the View Askew booth. After hearing about the action figure I had signed, he decided that he wanted to get one too.

You’ll have to ask Crimson the details but apparently, after almost destroying Doomsayer's lantern and getting a picture and having to go back because he forgot to have Steve-Dave sign the figure, he ended up almost getting picked up by Bryan Johnson. It’s a story best told by him. After all that, Crimson decided that he wanted to put all his stuff back in his car. We left and loaded everything up and were about to go back in and grab something to eat when I realized “Hey guys, wouldn’t it be like cheaper to go to McDonald’s and then come back?” All agreed, so we went to Mickey D’s. Apparently, there is no place to sit inside this McDonald’s. Not because it was full or anything but because there was no dining area inside. We ordered our food and were about to eat in Crimson's car when I noticed some benches and stuff out by the building. I thought “Hey, let’s eat outside. It sure beats juggling food on our laps.” So we tried it. Then we realized how retarded my idea truly was. The wind was blowing like a mother fucker, it was cold as hell out and the sprinklers were on. Add to that the fact that we had French fry obsessed Pigeons flocking all around us and you got an instance where we should have eaten in the car.

Wind, Water and a Fuck Load of Birds

I was reminded….OFTEN of how bad of an idea it was to eat outside….but we were troopers and finished our meal.

We drove back to the Arlington Convention Center and got a kick ass parking spot. We walked back in and I walked over to the Hurricane booth again where Tone Rodriguez had returned. He was sketching a picture of the Hulk and Wolverine at a Quiznos for some kid. He finished and noticed my shirt and started talking about how much the Eagle kicked ass. He said that the rock stations in California suck…that the Eagle was playing tunes that he hadn’t heard in forever and loved. He was a nice guy and very conversational. Those Hurricane guys just love to talk. Hehehe kidding. They were really cool. He signed my Snake comic and we moved on. From there, we just kinda walked around aimlessly. We had to stick around and see if Crimson would win an art print that he bought a raffle ticket for. The drawing wasn’t for a while yet, so we browsed some comics and stuff and checked out all the booths that we had missed.

Lethal Geeks Go Comic Hunting

There was one booth that belonged to this guy who was apparently from Dallas and he had just had his first comic published. I know this because he goes “Hey guys. I’m from Dallas and I just had my comic published.” I go “Right on, man.” “Thanks” he responds and we moved on. Congrats to the guy for getting published and stuff….but it didn’t look like my kinda thing. We got a picture of Crimson with some characters and stuff and wandered around some more until the drawing.

Obligatory Picture With Convention Dorks

Gallion and I ended up getting a raffle ticket as well and we stood by to see what was up. Gallion ended up winning a hooded sweater. How’s that for irony? The guy who doesn’t know dick about comics leaves a winner. With the drawing done, we did some more last minute looking around and then we made our way out.

On our way out, we saw Alison Mack from the show Smallville signing autographs in the lobby. She was cute. I kinda wanted to meet her but Crimson and Gallion didn’t. I didn’t want to be “that guy” who makes his friends stick around just so he can meet some cute famous chick so we took off. We made our way to the car and went back to Crimson's place where I watched the Raiders lose……again. It was a killer weekend.