What do you get, when you mix a drunken, surley ass squirrel, and a whole buttload of movie spoofs? I'll give ya three guesses, and the first two don't count.

After playing all the way through this game... a momentous accomplishment, to say the least (I've got a bad habit of playing mostly through a game, and forgetting to finish it until much much later)... anyway, after finishing this game, it's hard for me to imagine a game that could be any more perfect, in every way. Sure, the game has some minor flaws... (namely an unnecissary pause after speech, of about 3 seconds, so you have to wait to be able to continue... that's the most glaring one...)... but they are MORE than made up for in the content of the game.

You start out with a small cutscene to get things rolling... immediately we're in a movie spoof of the first Conan movie. This is where Conker begins the story of how he became king "It's a loooong story. It all started... yesterday."

Then you begin playing... when you first start out, Conker is still drunk, and the controls are VERY sloppy at this point... but that's just to emphasize his drunkness. You soon meet 'Birdy', a scarecrow, who also happens to be a drunk, and he teaches you about the context buttons. "They're... context sensitive. Which means ahhh, that ... they're sensitive... to context." Hahaha...

So far, you're wondering "Why the need for the bold warning on the packaging: Advisory: This game is not for anyone under the age of 17"... you'll soon be introduced to a small sampling of the abundance of foul language throughout the game.

After Birdy, you begin your quest... to get home, so you can go to bed, and get over this hangover. You soon come across a gargoyle blocking your path... "Have you ever sat on a piece of gothic architecture for 200 years? It get's right up your ass, you know?" What's that? Ass? Oh my... in a Nintendo game? Oh my indeed! Congratulations Nintendo!!! You're starting to grow up :)

Oh, but 'Ass', isn't the end of it. I won't go into specifics here. Let's just say, just about every curse word is spoken... frequently... except Fuck. That one is beeped out. Why? Hell if I know.

During the course of the game, you meet a cadre of characters... Mrs. and Mr. Bee, a large breasted sunflower, gangster weasles, shit talking wads of money... a singing pile of shit (literally)... a baby dinosaur... a HUGE caveman... with a wee little willy... his HUGE (as in tall) girlfriend (Jugga's her name, by the way...), a talking pitchfork, paint can, and paint brush... a cybernetic hay stack... and the list goes on.

It's your duty to go out and at least rent this game (and an N64 if you don't already have one)... you owe it to yourself to have this kind of entertainment.

While you're playing through it, see if you can spot all the movie spoofs... I've compiled a list of all the ones I could remember offhand: Conan - The Barbarian/Destroyer, Full Metal Jacket (or it might be Platoon, can't remember for sure), Jaws, The Wizard of Oz, The Terminator, Eye's Wide Shut, The Untouchables, Gladiator, Night of the Living Dead, Bram Stokers - Dracula, Saving Private Ryan, The Matrix, Star Wars, and Aliens... and I'm sure there's more that I missed. Joe did play through one small section of the game while I wasn't watching... and if/when I ever decide to go back through it, I'll probably catch some more spoofs. They're not always obvious... such as the Eye's Wide Shut spoof... it's just a single word... maybe spoof is a bad choice of word? Movie References. Better?

I honestly wasn't going to get this game when I first read about it. I was stuck in the mode of thinking "It's another cutesy game from Rare... it's Banjo Kazooie with a different lead character... why the hell would I buy that?" Then I read reviews where they talked about Nintendo finally growing up, because one of Conkers attacks is pissing on enemies... and I thought "That's... wierd." But still couldn't shake that cutesy game image. Then my buddy Joe plays it at a store where it's on demo, and imediately calls me up to tell me I HAVE to buy this game. I rented it that weekend, returned it the next day, and bought it while I was out and about... yes... it's THAT DAMN GOOD!

Replay value is VERY high... not just going back through the main game to catch all the references, and such, but the shear number of multiplayer games loaded in this game is enough to keep you and 3 of your friends coming back for more.

Grade: A

[ Ed: Yeah, I know this game has been out forever ... it's a review I did on my personal site ... we never had a video game department here, so I had no where to put it until now. Bitch. - DarkWolf ]