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Greetings!
It has indeed been nearly five months
since I last wrote, but fear not! I have returned,
and with a vengeance! Though the hellcow ex-Mrs.
Goofypants would do anything to ruin my life and/or
my sanity, I will persevere under unfair court
decisions in order to shine light into your meaningless,
dark, disease-ridden worlds! Rejoice! Now, let's
get on with the questions!
And don't forget to write
in if you have any of your own.
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hmm questions questions questions...what
is the new
name of that strange country once known
as Burma? I
heard they changed it in 1995 but i have
been to damn
lazy to look it up for myself. also the
yugo, what
ever happened to the yugo? did the company
go down
qith the fall of yugoslavia (i think that
is how it is
spelt.) and last but not least, do you plan
on writing
another book oh wise one?
- Baka
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Would I be correct in my assumption, Baka (an
apt name), that you are attempting to test my
resources? Well, then. The game's afoot!
Let's take these fine, succulent questions one
at a time, shall we?
1) Burma has always been and will always
continue to be Burma, resting comfortably (depending
on your point of view, I suppose) between China
and India. Burma is (now, at least) a democracy
run under a man named Than Shwe, with the ultra-keen
and overly-long title of Prime Minister and Chairman
of the State Peace and Development Council Senior
General. I once called myself the Supreme High
Almighty Being and Prime Minister of Righteousness
and Arachnid Vigilance, but that was mostly unofficial,
and I was on a lot of drugs back then.
Prescribed drugs.
Just not prescribed to me.
Burma's main industry revolves around the textile/fashion
industry (i.e. sweatshops) and people living there
can't really expect to live past their mid-50's.
Still, literacy is relatively high for that corner
of the world, and agriculture is by far the dominant
business both domestic and in exports. Want more
fun facts? Check
it out! The Internet is almost as rich in
wisdom as I am!
2) The Yugo never died, chum. Indeed,
there was concern when the Zastava Motor Works
factory met near-destruction back in 1999, but
those die-hard carmakers just don't know the meaning
of the word "quit"! Thus, what might
have been a loss of a true world resource never
even slowed, even as the factory was half-blown
to bits.
Importation of this suave, stylish, sexy automobile
(I own three!) to the U S of A began in 1985 and
did indeed stop ten years ago, ostensibly for
the reason that the Yugo was a cheap piece of
shit. Real reason: Too slick for
tainted American minds to handle!
Good news! Zastava has been in negotiations with
Malcolm Bricklin, the genius that first brought
these works of art to the Americas, to import
the Yugo's newest model, the ZMW. Price? A wallet-saving
$5,000 to $10,000, and that includes such keen,
cutting-edge features as air bags and compliance
with emissions standards! The cheapest car in
America, and also the finest!
3) My recently exed wife claimed ownership
of my fingers in the divorce proceedings, so aside
from the illicit column I write here for your
benefit, I can no longer produce any more books,
manipulate objects, or otherwise be a full-functioning
homo sapien.
In short, no.
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i have i question
if the meaning of life is the meaning
of purpose and the meaning purpose is the
meaning of life then what is the meaning
of reason
from 9-bit biggest fan
- Steve
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The meaning of reason is to determine that the
first part of your question pertains not at all
to the second part, and is thus moot.
Cheerio!
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I have a problem. I've been friends
with these 3 girls for the last 4 years.
2 weeks ago, I got two of them pregnant.
The 3rd one asked me to marry her. I found
out about the babies 2 days ago.
1 - Should I get a clothes-hanger and just
jam it in there and get rid of the problems?
2 - Or should I try a vacuum?
3 - Should I just marry them all and become
a Muslim?
Then there's a twist. Today, at work, my
boss' wife came to my office and offered
to suck my dick. So I said "Yeah! Why
not?" Twenty minutes later, my boss
walked in. Then the trouble starts. I slapped
the bitch and shanked the boss. Now I'm
e-mailing you from Mexico. And my 4th girlfriend
is now pregnant, too. But, not from me.
My little soldier has been acting weird.
He's been saying weird things to me. Saying
"stick me in some weird spots."
So I had to cut him off... with a machete.
It hurt, but I feel better now. Can you
help me with my problems?
Thanks,
Big Mac
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Um.
No.
That's it for today, friends and neighbors. Tune
in next friday for yet another barrel of wisdom
right here on LethalDeath.com!
Please, write
in any questions you may have regarding trivia,
love, murder, or cheese! I'll be glad to answer.
- Dr.
Goofypants
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