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Greetings!
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A-ha! I see you are indeed as quick
as I had hoped...perhaps now a series of
unrelated questions might be amusing.
1) Scientifically...are Italians more
'endowed' than others? Italians of the male
sort, I mean.
2) What is the inbreeding capital of
the world?
3) If a male lion, and a female tiger
pork...what comes out of the tiger after
a substantial gestation period?
4) Is it possible to stump you at all?
5) What is the correct way to "draw
down the moon" according to Gardenarian
Wicca?
and finally...
6) What is the chemical composition
of the common household Lava Lamp?
- BladedDevl
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The things I answer for you people. Yes, Dr.
Goofypants is beginning to lose a bit of his pep,
but I shall nonetheless prevail! Bask in my glory.
And because you are a return questioner, Mr. Devl,
I will skip the formalities and give you a brisk
soaking of WISDOM!
1) No. But whatever you do, do not ask
Joe
this question.
2) Your home.
3) Nothing. The two species are genetically
incompatible, as is yourself and the rest of the
world. Thus a mating between the two, while (technically)
possible, would produce no offspring.
4) Ha! Double-ha!
5) I have for you an extremely long-winded
response from DarkWolf. While basic research could
have uncovered this information myself, I felt
it more time-efficient to consult the Dark Wicca
Lord DarkWolf. His response:
Interesting question. Gerald
Gardner, in my opinion, was a fraud. He began
the "Neo-Paganism" movement in the 1950's
by cultivating source materials from numerous
true traditions, and some he just made up, and
combining them into one. Modern day Wicca is not
as it was thousands of years ago. Besides the
obvious historical differences, modern day Wicca
is more style than substance. More "oooh,
and ahhh." Modern Wiccan's are more concerned
with getting the right clothing, and flaunting
their beliefs, and basically just showing off.
They're the quintessential embodiment of conformity.
They're so concerned with being different ...
just like everyone else. Gardner began this.
I did a great deal of studying Wicca, true Wicca,
you might call it, when I was going through something
of a spiritual crisis in my mid teens. I chanced
upon some of the Gardenarian traditions ... if
they can be called traditions ... and imediately
thought his rituals, and practices were no more
than elaborate staged productions to wow a captive
audience of young people at a critical stage in
their lives. Neo-Wicca has become a badge for
so many people ... their flashy clothes (or the
Goth version ... their solid black clothes), jewelry,
makeup all tailored to let the world know just
what they're all about. It's sad, really. True
Wicca is so much more intriguing ... and so much
more enlightening than anything Neo-Wicca, or
Neo-Paganism has to offer. Unfortunately, Neo-Paganism
is all the rage, and most information you'll find
today deals solely with extensions, and adaptions
of the Gardenarian practices. You've got to really
do your research if you want to learn anything
of the old traditions, and of true Wicca.
But I'm getting off the subject here ... you asked
what the "correct" way is ... according
to Gardenarian tradition. I had to break out a
few of my old books to track this one down ...
I never did much studying on Gardenarian practices.
Too comical. Too staged. But here it is:
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Needed: Wand, Scourge*, Priestess' Athame (a dagger,
or knife). A High Priestess, and a High Priest
(Though it can be practiced solitarily, by either
a male or female)
First Cast the Circle, and the Witches' Rune.
Next, the High Priest and Priestess (HP &
HPS) begin the ritual with The Charge of The Goddess**
HPS stands in
The Goddess Position in the north, facing the
altar with her back to the coven, holding the
scourge and athame.
Coveners are in
the south facing the altar.
HP kneels before
HPS and salutes her with the Fivefold kiss***
(as he kisses her womb, she moves her arms into
the blessing position).
HP again kneels
before HPS who stands in The Goddess Positon****
(right foot slightly forward). HP invokes the
Goddess, saying:
| HP |
I invoke thee
and call upon thee,
Mighty Mother of us all, (touch right breast)
bringer of all fruitfulness; (touch left breast)
by seed and root, (touch womb)
by stem and bud, (touch right breast)
by leaf and flower and fruit, (touch left
breast)
by life and love (touch womb)
do I invoke (raising wand)
thee to descend upon the body
of this thy servant and priestess.
Here, speak with her tongue,
touch with her hands,
kiss with her lips,
that thy servants may be fulfilled. |
As he invokes,
HP touches HPS gently with wand upon her right
breast, left breast, womb and upon the same three
places again.
As he finishes the
invocation, he spreads his arms in adoration (still
kneeling) and says:
| HP |
Hail, Aradia!
From the Amalthean Horn
Pour forth thy store of love; I lowly bend
Before thee, I adore thee to the end,
With loving sacrifice thy shrine adorn.
Thy foot is to my lip [kiss], my prayers upborne
Upon the rising incense smoke; then spend
Thine ancient love, O Mighty One, descend
To aid me, who without thee am forlorn. |
HP stands and
takes a step back. All adore in silence as HPS
traces invoking Earth pentagram in the air before
them with her athame, saying:
| HPS |
Of the Mother,
darksome and divine,
Mine the scourge, and mine the kiss,
The five-point star of love and bliss -
Here I charge you, in this sign. |
This completes
Drawing Down the Moon. HPS and HP now face the
Coven and deliver the Charge of The Goddess.
-------------------
There's one way of
doing it. As with just about any ritual based
on Gardenarian practices, there are numerous variations.
Each coven adds it's own twist, some are clothed,
some nude, some use different names for the Godess,
some give her no name, and some actually have
sex during the ritual. I hate to break out a Forrest
Gump quote, but Gardenarian practices are like
a box of chocolates ... you never know what you're
going to get.
*Scourge: A small
whip, or lash with multiple strings or cords coming
from the handle.
**The Charge of The
Goddess: another invocation, or chant.
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"I
am the quickening of the seed in Springtime,
the glory of ripe fields in Summer, and
the peace of the quiet woods as the snow
calms the Earth in Winter. I am the lilt
of the maidens' melody in the morning, the
patient hand of the Mother and the deep
river of the mysteries taught by moonlight.
I give the creatures of the earth the gifts
of song rising from the heart, the joy of
autumn sunset, the cool touch of the renewing
waters, and the compelling call of the drum
in the dance. To you I give the joy of creation
and the companion of beauty to light your
days. By the powers of the steadfast Earth
and the wheeling stars I charge thee; by
the darkness of death and the white light
of birth I charge thee; and by the terrible
strength of your human spirits, I charge
thee:
Strive always
for the growth of your eternal soul, never
intentionally diminish your strength, your
compassion, your ties to the earth or your
knowledge.
Challenge your mind, never accept complacently
that which has been the standard merely
for the reason that it is the standard by
which the majority judges itself.
Thirdly, I charge thee, act always for the
betterment of your brothers and sisters.
To strengthen them is to forge the true
chain of humanity, and a chain is only as
strong as its weakest link.
You are
my children, my brothers and sisters and
my companions. You are known in great part
by the company you keep, and you are strong
and wise and full of the powers of life.
It is yours to use them in my service, and
I also, am known by the company I keep.
Go forth in joy and the light of my love,
turning to me without fear when the darkness
threatens to overcome you, and turning also
to me to share your triumphs and your achievements,
and know in your heart of hearts that we
are together in blood and spirit 'til the
last star darkens in the sky and winter
comes to the universe."
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That's one version
of it. There are numerous versions however.
***Fivefold Kiss:
This is an example of why Gardener was a retard.
Fivefold indicates five kisses, correct? Yet in
Gardenarian practice it is actually 8. Maybe he
was just practicing some fuzzy math. Kiss both
feet, both knees, the womb, both breasts, and
on the lips ... starting with the right of each.
Gardener was also very concerned with involving
sexual acts into the practices. Touching breasts,
kissing breasts ... I personally think he just
wanted to get laid.
The traditional Fivefold
Kiss was performed as the High Priestess stood
with feet spread, arms extended (Also known as
****The Goddess Position). Kiss both feet, kiss
both hands, and kiss the lips ... thus forming
a star or Pentacle.
You can't say he wasn't a thorough man.
6) This question actually doesn't have
as simple an answer as you might suspect. According
to our friends over at oozinggoo.com,
there are not one but two U.S. patents
registered by the Englishman Edward Craven Walker,
inventor of the fun little party lamp. While both
patents seem to describe the same product, the
one registered with the U.S. Patent Office in
1971 is the most specific. To wit:
The lava component is said to consist of "a
solidified globule of mineral oil such as Ondina
17 (R.T.M.) with a light paraffin, carbon tetrachloride,
a dye and paraffin wax."
The clear liquid is roughly 70/30% (by volume)
water and a liquid which will raise the coefficient
of cubic thermal expansion and encourage the movement.
The patent recommends slip agents such as propylene
glycol for this. However, glycerol, ethylene glycol,
and polyethylene glycol (aka PEG) are also mentioned
as being sufficient.
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if r the percent growth rate, and P
the population
Graph all possiable numbers using the equation
as P appoaches infinity:
or to make it easier just graph the
r for 1.9 to 3
new P = [1 + r(1–P)] · P
Which reduces down to
new P = [1 + r – rP] · P
new P = P + rP – rP2
new P = (1 + r) · P – rP2
- 'Axe-man'
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Ah yes, another math equation. Your question
seemed a bit peculiar to me, Axe-man, so I consulted
two of the top mathematical minds going right
now. Said top mathematical minds would like to
remain anonymous, so I shall simply relate the
answer given by them. The first of these experts
gave the following brief, but accurate answer:
P = (1 + r) P, ok
P = (1 + r (1-P) ) P, crazy
Okay, but that doesn't tell you
a whole bunch. So here's the follow-up, from the
second Brilliant Mathematical Mind:
The equation is NOT the equation
for population growth. The limits of the equation
this person gave to you are negative and positive
infinity.
It is new P = P ( 1 + r) ^n,
where r is rate, P is beginning population, and
n is number of years.
And that, as they say, is that.
That's it for today, friends and neighbors. Tune
in next friday for yet another barrel of wisdom
right here on LethalDeath.com!
Please, write
in any questions you may have regarding trivia,
love, murder, or hamsters! I'll be glad to answer.
- Dr.
Goofypants
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