 |
So it's been a little while.
Maybe too long. But that's all right; I'm
here now, my chilluns, and I have a whole
|
| heaping helping of shit that
I want to unload on you today. The initial
idea was to cover a wide range of topics,
but I sorta ran with this first one, so you'll
just have to wait for the next Hate List to
drop to hear the rest. |
If the pause between Hate Lists
is too much for you, then get a somewhat-daily
dose of it over at my blog: Ringwood
Ragefuck. Yeah, I got a blog and I AM a fucking
sellout, so go ahead and hold your e-mails on
that topic. Also, eat my shit, cockslave. I don't
care what you think.
Onward...
SOMETHING IS SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH THE JAPANESE.
You can tell a lot about a culture from its pornography.
And you KNOW what passes for standard over on
that freaky little island we nuked the holy fuck
out of 60 years ago: tentacled demons from hell
savagely raping schoolgirls.That's pretty commonplace
fare. Blasé, in fact. I dug deeper than
that... and I found some pretty crazy shit. Dig
it: The Japanese HATE WOMEN.
You don't believe me? I got examples.
Like fish
hooks shaped like penises, intent on luring
women who are I guess both 1) legally blind and
2) completely incapable of keeping cock-shaped
items out of their mouths immediately. Note that
the fake cock in question is tiny, and the manufacturers
are no doubt Japanese men. Hmmmmmmmmm...
Or perhaps the festive
christmas ornaments, which cheerily celebrate
the birthdate of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ
by depicting females given the full Black Dahlia
treatment: severed limbs, gouged-out eyes, and
profuse amounts of blood. Nothing brightens up
the spirit of Christmas like total fucking psychosis.
Or maybe you should witness Tetsuo:
The Iron Man. I first came across this movie
several years ago, toiling away my high school
years work at Hollywood Video. This whimsical
fable tells the tale of a young man who feels
increasingly emasculated by his girlfriend (but
NOT, apparently, his tiny little Japanese penis),
and in the end sprouts a gigantic metal drill
cock. Near the movie's climax (heh), Our Hero
proceeds to fuck his girlfriend with his savage
drillcock, and we are treated to wonderful sound
effects of the woman's treasured flower blossom
being completely shredded to pieces. Did I mention
the woman is a willing partner in all of this?
Jesus christ. I'm sorry.. I just had to take
a break there. Jesus FUCKING CHRIST WHAT THE FUCK
IS WRONG WITH THE JAPANESE! SERIOUSLY! You know
there had to be at least 20 people involved with
the making of that movie, and every single one
of them thought it was an okay idea! 20 fucking
people got together and made a movie that involves
a woman willingly raped to death by a flesh-shredding
machine dick, and somehow it wound up in Hollywood
Video in Texas, three aisles away from motherfucking
Babar.
Can you imagine that kind of movie playing at
Cannes? Can you imagine the legions of jackbooted
dyke-troopers that'd be lining up to rend these
filmmakers limb from limb?
Maybe it's the Mighty
Lady fetish, wherein women dress up as anime-style
robot women and kick each other's asses. Featured
prominently in this type of pornography are these
same robot women deactivated and laid out on dissection
tables, guts cut open, springs and coils spiralling
out of their stomachs like so many parts to examine
and take apart. That's healthy, right there. Healthy
like a basket of puppies thrown into a wood chipper.
How about the guys who dress up like paper doll
women and then asphyxiate themselves nearly to
death, and take
all kinds of pictures of the process? Look,
okay, seriously. I admit, Mr. Paper Doll GODDAMN
FREAK, you have the world's greatest disclaimer:
"If you are under 20, please NOT go ahead.
Even if you are equal to or over 20 years old,
before you see this series of photos, you must
keep calm and make up your mind to see anything.
NEVER DO the SAME.
MAYBE YOU'RE KILLED."
In Japan, this guy puts up an informative website
about his COMPLETELY FUCKING CRAZY HOBBY. In America,
the CIA would have red flagged this fucker the
second his mother shat him out of her womb. No
doubt this man is the product of a Tetsuo-style
drillcock.
Look, this isn't to say that America is clean
of sick fetishes. We have plenty of homebrewed
sickness. For instance, have you ever heard of
the impalement fetish? I'm sure it has some proper
name, some kind of cute little euphemism like
"Furries" (code for people who jerk
off to pictures of the San Diego Chicken), but
I don't give a rat's ass. The gist of impalement
porn is that a woman is roasted over a fire like
a pig. The pole she's basted on comes out her
mouth, and... well, no points for guessing where
the pole is inserted. The most jaw-droppingly
crazy feature of impalement porn is that its stories
are invariably told from the perspective of a
willing and eager female. They are absolutely
bubbling with glee at the "honor" of
being killed in such a fashion, and ultimately
eaten by the male participants.
I cannot begin to describe the trauma, the utter
mindfucking I suffered digging this shit up for
your amusement and edification. If you think I'm
going to link you to some of this impalement shit,
give me your address and the phone number of whoever
it is that has jurisdiction over you. The only
solution for you is sudden and violent removal
from the planet Earth.
For the most part, though, we're pretty weak.
Total pussies, as a matter of fact. The best "shocking"
sexuality pieces our artists can come up with
usually involve putting the word "whore"
on something. Ooh. Big girl used a dirty word.
Aren't YOU edgy and revolutionary. Now shut the
fuck up and Value Size my combo meal.
And you know what? We don't take people to court
for animating uncensored, consensual sex between
adults, while simultaneously giving the thumbs
up to animated underage girls being penetrated
by demon cocks the size of tree trunks. We never
had vending
machines that sold used panties. We do not
sexualize pre-sexual teens. Our top porn stars
are not underdeveloped 25 year-old women who wear
glittery lipstick, plastic lollipop rings, and
other paraphernelia of innocent young girls. Our
porn actresses are not instructed to squeal in
mock pain in even the most mundane sex acts. We
did not invent bukkake, the fine art of covering
a kneeling woman's face with 100 men's worth of
nut butter.
Japan, let me break this to you gently. You're
pretty inventive when it comes to this sex thing,
I'll give you that. On your most conservative
day, you make the French Quarter look like a quilting
contest in a nunnery. If there was an Olympic
competition in the category of Absolutely Bugshit
Crazy Misogyny, you would be to that gold medal
what the Americans are to every other sport that
ever mattered, ever. But look, you got to cut
this shit out. You remember how I mentioned above
that we dropped some nukes on you back in Dubya
Dubya 2? That we levelled about half of every
major city in a campaign to utterly break your
spirit in two? I have to kind of wonder what all
that radiation shoved straight up your civilian
ass might have done to your national psyche. (And
look, I know you have a proud history of sexual
deviance, but I'm pretty sure there weren't any
Mighty Lady samurai.) You keep this kind of shit
up, and people with access to The Button might
start asking a Very Important Question:
"Did we bomb Japan too hard... or did we
not bomb them hard enough?"
Maybe you're killed, Japan.
MAYBE you're KILLED.
-Crimson |
