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Q: Why didn't Superman save
JFK Jr?
A: Cuz he's in a fuckin' wheelchair! |
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Q: What do you do when the dishwasher
stops working?
A: Smack her and tell her to get back to work. |
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Q: Why does the bride wear white?
A: Because the dishwasher should match the
fridge. |
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Q: What do you tell a wife with
two black eyes?
A: Nothin', ya done told her twice already! |
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Q: What's the difference between
a tribe of pygmies and a girls track team?
A: One of them is a bunch of cunning runts. |
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Q: Why don't lepers play hockey?
A: Too many face-offs. |
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Q: Why did God create men?
A: Because a dildo can't mow the lawn. |
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Q: How many feminists does it
take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to screw it in, one to SUCK MY
DICK! |
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Q: Why did the feminist cross
the road?
A: To SUCK MY DICK! |
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Q: What do you do with an elephant
with three balls?
A: Walk him and pitch to the rhino. |
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Q. What's the fluid capacity
of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
A: 1 U.S. leader. |
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Q. What do you call a virgin
on a waterbed?
A. A cherry float. |
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Q. What did the sign on the
door of the whorehouse say?
A. Beat IT - we're closed. |
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Q. Why do walruses go to Tupperware
parties?
A. To find a tight seal. |
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Q. Why is air a lot like sex?
A. Because it's no big deal unless you're
not getting any |
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Q. What's another name for pickled
bread?
A. Dill-dough. |
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Q: Why are Monica Lewinsky's
cheeks so puffy?
A: She's withholding evidence. |
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Q: What's the difference between light
and hard?
A: You can sleep with a light on.
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Q: Why is sex like a bridge
game?
A: You don't need a partner if you have a
good hand. |
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Q: What do a Christmas tree
and a priest have in common?
A: Their balls are just for decoration. |
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Q: Why is divorce so expensive?
A: Because it's worth it. |
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Q: How do you know it's bedtime
at Michael Jackson's house?
A: The big hand touches the little one. |
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Q: What's the difference between
Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?
A: Neil Armstrong walked on the moon.... ...Michael
Jackson fucks little boys. |
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A woman is shopping in a supermarket. When
she gets to the counter, she has one can
of diet soda, a single serving of soup,
one TV dinner, and a small single-cup of
ice cream.
The employee at the cash register says,
"You must be single."
The woman replies, "How can you tell?"
"Because you're so fucking ugly."
[ Contributed by: Erica ]
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A mother and
her son were flying "Southwest Airlines"
from Kansas to Chicago. The son (who had been
looking out the window) turned to his mother
and said, "If big dogs have baby dogs
and big cats have baby cats, why don't big
planes have baby planes?"
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer)
told her son to ask the stewardess. So the
boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs
have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats,
why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The stewardess asked, "Did your mother
tell you to ask me?" He said that his
mother had. So the stewardess said,
"Tell your mother that Southwest always
pulls out on time."
[ Contributed by: Marianna ] |
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An Irishman
named O'Malley went to his doctor after a
long illness. The doctor, after a lengthy
examination, sighed and looked O'Malley in
the eye and said, "I've some bad news
for you. You have cancer, and it can't be
cured. You'd best put your affairs in order."
O'Malley was shocked and saddened. But, being
of solid character, he managed to compose
himself and walk from the doctor's office
into the waiting room.
To his son who had been waiting, O'Malley
said, "Well son, we Irish celebrate when
things are good, and we celebrate when things
don't go so well.
In this case, things aren't so well. I have
cancer. Let's head for the pub and have a
few pints."
After 3 or 4 pints, the two were feeling a
little less somber. There were some laughs
and more beers. They were eventually approached
by some of O'Malley's old friends who asked
what the two were celebrating.
O'Malley told them that the Irish celebrate
the good and the bad. He went on to tell them
that they were drinking to his impending end.
He told his friends, "I have been diagnosed
with AIDS." The friends gave O'Malley
their condolences, and they had a couple more
beers.
After his friends left, O'Malley's son leaned
over and whispered his confusion."Dad,
I thought you said that you were dying from
cancer? You just told your friends that you
were dying from AIDS!"
O'Malley said, "I don't want any of them
sleeping with your mother after I'm gone."
[ Contributed by: Marianna ] |
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Q: how do
you make an elephant into a cherry tree?
A: paint it's balls red
[ Contributed by: Johnathon ] |
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Q: whats the
loudest sound in the jungle?
A: a giraffe eating cherries!
[ Contributed by: Johnathon ] |
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Did you hear
about the Al-Quida member at Texas A&M?
He highjacked a blimp and bounced off multiple
buildings at the UT campus.
[ Contributed by: Harris ] |
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They're doing
a re-make of the exorcist ...
This time a mother calls on the devil to save
her son from the Catholic priest.
[ Contributed by: Harris ] |
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