All over the internet and in ballparks across America, Major League Baseball's 2002 All-Star game voting is coming to a close. As usual, it has been mainly a prima donna popularity contest based more on the star and sex appeal of players than on their actual baseball skills. This summer is no different, once again reaffirming the fact that baseball owns some of the most fucktarded rules and traditions of any professional sport. Stuffed ballots? Check. Past-their-prime, strictly nostalgia votes? Check. Over-abundance of pinstriped pussies in the AL? Check. Let the glaring robberies begin.

First Base

NY's Jason Giambi leads the voting, and he has been very productive thus far. Does being a Yankee help push him over the top? Abso-fucking-lutely. Paul Konerko of the Chicago White Sox leads Giambi in batting average (by +.14), RBIs (+3), and hits (+7). The goddamn crime is that Paul Konerko, who is at the very least performing as well as Giambi, isn't even in the top 5 for first basemen in the American League. Bullshit, anyone?

	First Base
	Colorado's Todd Helton. Helton. HELTON. This guy is tearing the fucking cover off of the baseball lately; even the masses of retards can't ignore this, so the choice is correct.

	Second Base
	NY's Soriano deserves the nod.

Second Base

Roberto Alomar of the Mets leads the voting in this category. Excuse me while I go laugh my ass off at the stupidity of the public. Alright. This should NOT EVEN BE A RACE. Alomar has been fucking terrible so far this season, and Montreal's Jose Vidro has quietly kicked ass. Vidro beats Alomar in every single offensive category from hits to homers to RBIs. And not by a little. By an ass-pounding margin. If Alomar goes, baseball fans should officially be embarrassed.

	Third Base
	Boston's Shea Hillenbrand deserves the nod. Odd that Robin Ventura trails him closely, despite batting a very un-All-Star .253. Ah yes, he plays for the Yankees

Third Base

Scott Rolen of the Phillies leads the category. He's normally at All-Star caliber, but so far this season he's been vomit-worthy. He'd be a sentimental pick if baseball were for pussies. Florida's Mike Lowell has had a fantastic season, and he beats Scott Rolen in every single offensive category by a noticeable margin. Rolen's ass should be back home in Philly working in the batting cage while Lowell takes the field in Milwaukee, 'nuff said.

	ShortStop
	Texas' Alex Rodriguez deserves the nod. Boston's Nomar Garciaparra beats him in average, doubles, and hits, but A-Rod has more RBIs, homers and a higher OPS avg. This race is tight as it should be. Mmm. Tight.

ShortStop

The quality of shortstops in the NL is pretty shitty compared to the AL. After wading through the statistics crapdom, I think Jose Hernandez of Montreal has had the most impressive offensive season thus far and deserves the spot based on that. Atlanta's Raphael Furcal has been on fire lately, and deserves his position in the top 5 in voting. Both Rich Aurilia of San Francisco and Philadelphia's Jimmy Rollins are nothing more than average shortstops offensively, and all four guys are solid defensively. No homeruns, no fun.

Catcher

NY's Jorge Posada leads the voting, but his defense is fucking horrendous and his bat has been dead lately. He's batting a lame .262 and couldn't catch a difficult pitch if his glove was drenched in crazy glue. Why in god's name is he in first place!? Another Yankee. Hello, people, NY isn't the only city with a baseball team, that is all. A.J. Pierzynski of Minnesota is the most deserving catcher in a pretty down year for the category. He absolutely bitch slaps Passed Ball Posada in avg. (+.60) and leads him in OPS. He's on par for a 100 RBI season and deserves a chance to start in the All-Star game. This would be one of the most glaring snubs.

	Catcher
	NY's Piazza is the right choice. And he's not gay! Paul Lo Duca of Los Angeles has been good, but his on-base percentage and slugging are a little off, as are his RBIs. He deserves to be a sub, but Piazza should be starting behind the dish.

	Outfield
	So far, things seem fair. Too much talent to make everyone happy, so fuck it.

Teams to Watch:
	Seattle Mariners - Hardcore slumping, in danger of forfeiting first place to the streaking Athletics. The AL West will be just as tight as the AL East this year.

Seemingly unstoppable with excellent pitching and timely hits. No streak lasts forever, but the Braves show no signs of cooling off.

Stud of the Week: Luis Castillo
	First 35 game hit streak in over 15 years. Put his name on the map and puffed up his average to over .330. Sucks to see it end, but it was a good run.

Dud of the Week: Ken Griffey Jr.
	This guy just can't seem to stay healthy. I'd feel pity for him if I didn't think he was a colossal dick. He hasn't earned his paycheck in over a year.

Sorry for the delay, folks. I know you missed me. Until next week.
- Batgirl