Ted Williams, the greatest hitter major league baseball has ever had the priviledge of seeing, passed away Friday at the age of 83.

Williams set major league baseball milestones in his very first season with the Red Sox, batting .327 with 31 homeruns and 145 RBIs - the most ever by a rookie. In those early years, he was known as much for his skill as for his boldness, and his relationship with the media was often terse. "All I want out of life," Williams once told a friend, "is that when I walk down the street folks will say, 'There goes the greatest hitter that ever lived.'"

He was a cocky bastard in his younger days, but he had the swing and the talent to back up every single word. That talent was matched only by the obsessive way Williams approached hitting. He carried his bat around with him all day in high school, and meticulously weighed and checked his bats throughout his major league career. He practiced his swing constantly, studying the grip techniques of previous baseball legends

Williams played over four decades for the Boston Red Sox, and even numerous injuries and 5 total years of military service during the prime of his career couldn’t stop that sweet swing from producing record career numbers. His lifetime batting average is a hefty .344, with 521 homeruns, 1839 RBIs, 2019 walks, a slugging percentage of .634, and an on-base percentage of .483.

The last player to hit .400, Williams hit a staggering .406 in 1941, just his third season in the major leagues.

And that, my friends, is why he is the greatest hitter who ever lived. Godspeed, Teddy.

New York State of Crime

Even non-Yankee haters had a reason to bitch this week. The Yankees snapped up Jeff Weaver, the best available starting pitcher on the trade market, this week in a three-way trade with Detroit and Oakland. The Yankees gave up young lefty Ted Lilly and a couple of prospects to Oakland, with Oakland sending first base rookie Carlos Peña to Motown, and Detroit sending their pitching staff ace to the Yankees. Does this reek to anyone else? I mean christ, why not gift-wrap the division for the Yankees? Up to 8 other contending teams were in the running for Jeff Weaver, and somehow I just don’t buy that the Yankees made the best offer, days after dealing a couple of prospects to the Toronto Blue Jays for outfielder Raul Mondesi. Weaver, a workhorse at the tender age of 26 figured to be in the rebuilding Tigers’ plans for the future. So why was he traded like an aging hurler with a huge contract? George Steinbrenner is a greedy fuck who will ultimately ruin what little competitive balance is left in baseball.

I hate, hate this bastard like no other man on earth. His pockets are infinite, and so is his cocky "my shit don’t stink" attitude. I can deal with a rich owner who wants to win, fine, fuck it. What I think is complete bullshit is the all around unfairness for any team who doesn’t happen to be wearing those fugly pinstripes.

I’m reminded of an incident in 1976, when the Red Sox tried to bring pitcher Vida Blue, reliever Rollie Fingers, and first baseman Joe Rudi to Boston. Then-commissioner Bowie Kuhn vetoed the deal, calling it "bad for baseball." Oh, I see. It’s bad for baseball to reel in some all-stars when it helps anybody but the Yankees win. Where’s this ruling now, bitches?

Even if baseball fans everywhere could stomach the gluttony of the Yankees’ roster, one thing that would drive any fan to messy homicide is the bias with which all media outlets treat the Yankees as opposed to non-Yankees. The worst offender? ESPN.

"So the Yankees' payroll is approaching $140 million. It's the system, it's their market, it's their right. And while others dawdled, they went out and cut a deal with the Blue Jays on Raul Mondesi." - Peter Gammons, ESPN

One hundred and forty fucking million dollars. While the others dawdled? It’s called not being able to blow millions of dollars on a malcontent underachiever. Mondesi was batting a mind-blowing .224 when the Yankees picked him up, effectively mailing it in on a non-contending Blue Jays team. Will he actually exert some effort now that he’s on an all-star squad all but assured a spot in the playoffs? Of course.

A salary cap is the only way to make watching the playoff races interesting. By the all-star break, two things have always been certain. One, the Brewers suck. Two, the Yankees will have added as many superstars from other teams as humanly possible, making it an uphill battle for even the richer teams to stand up against. Steinbrenner must be stopped.

Teams to Watch:
	Watch the All-Star game, dumbasses. This might be the last one before the greed and retardation of the owners and players’ union ruins baseball. My prediction is the American League over the National League by 3-5 runs.

Chopping Block: Larry Bowa, Philadelphia
	This is probably complete bullshit, but this guy is a real hardheaded bastard. I doubt he could keep the Flanders’ happy over a baseball season. The young Phillies have been underachieving this season after a promising upswing last year, though his fame will keep his job.

Stud of the Week: Jason Giambi, New York Yankees
	Newly crowned Home Run Derby champ.

Dud of the Week: John Henry Williams

Shame on the bastard for sending his father’s body to an Arizona cryonics facility, freezing the legendary slugger solid for the opportunity to revive him later, or at the very least sell his DNA. On top of that, he weaseled his way onto one of the Red Sox’s minor league teams, whoring his sick father to get on the squad at the advanced age of 33. See why birth control should have been more widespread back in the fifties?

Here’s to a strike-free second half.
- Batgirl