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MLB
:: The Diamond Report – Thursday, August 8th, 2002 |
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Playoff Preview 2002
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As baseball nears the final stretch, clear
playoff shoo-ins have been established, while
battles between close teams rage on. Ignoring
the fact that the greedy fucks might go on
strike, let the games begin.. |
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| AL East : |
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 New
York Yankees - The Yankees were once
again the high bidders this season for the
AL East crown. The division has been slowly
gift-wrapped for the defending AL champs,
with the constant acquisition of all-star
players other teams can only dream of. The
going price? 160 million Steindollars, far
and away dwarfing the payrolls of other
MLB teams. Blah blah blah. Yawn.
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| AL Central : |
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 Minnesota
Twins - The Twins have embarked on a
campaign to give Bud Selig and major league
baseball the middle finger on contraction.
Already 16 games ahead of their nearest
competition, the Chicago White Sux, the
Twins have all but clinched their post-season
berth. The Twins are baseball's stepchild
- poor, hard-working and under appreciated.
We get the Yankees and Braves and Diamondbacks
up the ass, but exciting young teams like
the Twins are left out of national exposure.
The AL Central overall has to be the most
boring fucking division of all this year,
with the crappiness of the White Sox, Indians,
Royals and Tigers allowing any team with
a glimmer of decency a chance to snatch
the crown.
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| AL West : |
 Seattle
Mariners - Unlike last year, this year's
Mariners squad is surviving on pitching rather
than offensive force. The only thing that
stops the Mariners from going deeper into
the playoffs is their own choking tendencies.
Last year was damn near disgusting, with the
Mariners sporting a bloated 116-46 record
only to be spanked and sent home by the Yankees.
Hopefully a year of embarrassment was enough
to help the Mariners' overcome their bitching
out last year. There's only so much Ichiro
(does he have the body of a woman or is it
just me?) can do for these coffeetown cowards.
We shall see. |
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| AL Wild Card : |
 Boston
Red Sox - While the Athletics and Angels
knock the shit out of each other down the
stretch for the wild card spot, the Red Sox
will be left to play the Blow Jays and Devil
Dicks in their own division. The Red Sox will
quietly step over the carcasses of these two
teams to claim the Card. The potent combo
of Pedro Martinez and Derek Lowe could very
well take the Red Sox far. |
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| NL East : |
Atlanta Braves - This division is all
Braves, all the time. Kind of makes me sick.
I'm so tired of seeing these bastards that
I'd rather watch the bitch ass Phillies win
over the Braves. Rooting for the Yankees and
Braves is like rooting for the sun to rise
or for Shaq to slam another dunk. I'd rather
watch Senior Bowling on ESPN than watch these
ass-clowns win their 12th straight NL East
title. |
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| NL Central : |
St. Louis Cardinals - It took awhile for
a team to emerge at the top of this division,
but the Cardinals have finally shown they
are the best Central team. Cinderella squads
like Cincinnati and Houston may find themselves
flat on their ass with no glass slipper by
the time October rolls around. Put up or shut
up, bitch. |
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| NL West : |
Arizona Diamondbacks - The D'Backs are
slowly lengthening their lead on the NL West
on the backs of their two CY Young pitchers,
Randy Johnson and Curt Schilling. Randy Johnson.
Say it with me. Maybe I'm just a pervert,
but it sounds like there wasn't a lot of thought
put into that name. Either way, the D'Backs
are looking pretty fucking golden right now.
Maybe they're not the one-hit wonder many
people thought they'd be. Either way, the
purple uniforms have GOT to go. Now. |
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| NL Wild Card: |
San Francisco Giants - Call it a hunch,
but the Dodgers have been taking it up the
tailpipe lately, while the Giants have been
pretty consistent. Both pitching rotations
are about the same, but the Giants have more
significant everyday players. A word to Eric
Gagne - you look like a fucking dork with
those goggles on, take them off now.
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Until next week.
- Batgirl
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