Welcome. Ozzymadeo
has returned, except this time for the
NBA.
Get ready for some fun.
(Ozzy
sent his picks in Monday, but as referenced
in my previous update, I’m a lazy-ass.
It’s not like we missed anything.
The NBA playoffs are slower than
molasses running down a dead hooker’s
ass while she’s tied upside down.)
WESTERN
CONFERENCE
(1)
Sacramento
Kings vs. (8) Utah Jazz
Gallion
: Sacramento compiled the best record in the NBA this season. How good are they? They seem a bit inconsistent but should get the job done against
the rapidly aging Jazz.
Ozzymadeo : It’s a classic
battle between the Kansas
City Kings and New
Orleans Jazz. Considering that I like KC better than NO, I'm going
with the Kings. There may be no Kings in Sacramento but
there sure as hell ain’t no Jazz
in Utah.
Pick
: Gallion – Kings, Ozzymadeo – Kansas City.
(2) San Antonio
Spurs vs. (7) Seattle SuperSonics
Gallion : Being from
Tacoma, which is near Seattle, naturally
I like the Sonics. Unfortunately, they
have no chance against the Spurs. They might make it interesting with a win,
possibly 2, but if Robinson can hang in
there for a few games, the Spurs will win this series.
Ozzymadeo
: The Supersonics entered the NBA along with the San Diego Rockets back in 1966. The
San
Antonio Spurs used to be in the ABL.
What does this mean?
Nothing, except that their websites
are ugly as hell.
As much of a Texan as I am, I can't
understand why the Spurs
are building a new arena, when they've
got the Alamodome. Is anybody EVER going to use that ugly ass
building?
Pick
: Gallion – Spurs, Ozzymadeo – Seattle
(3) Los Angeles
Lakers vs. (6) Portland Trailblazers
Gallion
: Ahh, the mighty Lakers.
A team capable of turning it on
when they feel like it. The regular season is a formality to Phil and
the Boys.
The 2 best players on Earth on
the same team.
Domination follows.
The Blazers have an old has-been and a bunch of gangly faggot sissies.
Plus, their name is stupid.
Go Lakers. Wait, that’s kind
of a stupid name, too.
Oh well, fuck it.
Ozzymadeo : LA will beat Portland's ass and then Scotty Pippen will spontaneously combust along
with the rest of the whiny ass Portland
team.
Pick
: Gallion – Lakers, Ozzymadeo - Minneapolis, and more importantly, the World
(4) Dallas Mavericks
vs. (5) Minnesota Timberwolves
Gallion
: This series could be a great one, with
high scores and not very much defense. It depends on what mood the 2 teams are in
at the time.
The Mavericks have 2 potential MVP candidates on their roster, along with
a bench that’s pretty loaded.
They score at will, and run, run,
run.
The Timberwolves can run pretty well, too.
But, in comparison, the Mavs are like a Gatling gun whereas the
T-Wolves would be considered an Uzi.
The firepower just doesn’t match
up. Give
me the Mavs.
Ozzymadeo : Interesting.
Two teams who HAVEN'T moved at
one point in their history.
I'm scared.
Still, since the Mavericks have an owner who actually gives
a damn about his team, unlike the old
one, I'll have to go with the Dallas Cubans.
Pick
: Gallion – Mavericks, Ozzymadeo - Cubans
EASTERN CONFERENCE
(1)
New Jersey Nets vs. (8) Indiana Pacers
Ozzymadeo
: Reggie Miller is a chump, but the Nets
were the NEW
YORK
Nets for one solitary season and then
became the New
Jersey Nets.
NBA history is a joke . I'm sticking
with the team who can commit.
Gallion : I don’t even
pay attention to these teams.
The Eastern Conference sucks absolute
cock and no one gives a shit. They’re like the AFC of the late 80’s and early
90’s.
Pick a team out of a hat and watch
them get crushed by the West.
This year, it might be the Nets. I’m sure everyone around the world is rejoicing
for Jason Kidd and this shoddy squad. Fuck ‘em.
Pick
: Ozzymadeo – Indiana, Gallion - Nets
(2) Detroit
Pistons vs. (7) Toronto Raptors
Ozzymadeo
– Oh how I wish there would be a franchise
like the Ft.
Wayne Pistons in this day and age.
Toronto? If you want a raptor that can win, you go dig one up. But even if you dug up a velociraptor, the
Pistons would dig up Bill Laimbeer. That would be an ugly, ugly fight.
Gallion – Fuck these
teams.
Raptors don’t have Vince (Carter), and the Pistons, I just hate them. But,
the Pistons
are the better team here.
Pick
: Ozzymadeo - Ft. Wayne, Gallion – Pistons
(3) Boston Celtics
vs. (6) Philadelphia 76ers
Ozzymadeo
: Larry Bird will accidentally step on
Allen Iverson.
Kevin McHale will get rid of the
evidence and cost the Celts a draft pick. Joe Smith will continue to wallow in obscurity.
Gallion : The day Allen
Iverson dies, the world will be a much
better place. “Yo, guys, I’m back for the Playoffs.” Whatever, like they have a chance. I hope their whole team gets anally violated
by rabid goats during a Zen session or
some shit.
Pick
: Ozzymadeo – Red Auerbach, Gallion - Celtics
(4) Charlotte
Hornets vs. (5) Orlando Magic
Ozzymadeo
- What should be considered a race
to win the playoffs, is now a race to
see who can move away the fastest.
Looks like Charlotte wins this one. NBA action.
It’s fantastic.
Gallion – This is me,
hating the East.
Hornets.
Pick
: Ozzymadeo – Charlotte, Gallion – Hornets
. . .
As
with the NHL playoffs, we’ll be back for
the 2nd round. I hope you enjoyed reading our picks. If you were looking for meaningful insight,
you might check the 2nd round,
when we start to actually give more of
a shit.
As
always, remember, these picks shouldn't
be used for any betting purposes. But, if you do use our picks and win, feel
free to mail us some cash money.
Thanks
for reading,
-
Gallion
- Ozzymadeo
Twin
Bastards
