"I hate Duke." - Me

I hate everything about Duke. I hate that they spend the entire regular season at number one in the polls. I hate the way the media idolizes Coach K. I hate the way a good player can be called the best player in the country just because he goes to that school. I hate the way their uniforms are all... blue... and white. I hate the way they move the ball around the perimeter like a pro team. I hate the fact that they are so good. But most of all, I hate their PR man, Dick Vitale.

Now, I don't necessarily hate him personally, I should say I pretty much loathe listening to him. Given a choice between a turkey baster through my ear hole or listening to a Dick Vitale broadcast I'd pretty much choose the turkey baster. Now take the phrase "pretty much" and replace it with "without a doubt." Get the picture?

Let's take a scenario here. Let us imagine that you were all snuggled up in your favorite chair ready to watch the evening news. "Four people were killed in an apartment fire baby! It was arsen-tastic baby! Total sad-demonium are you kidding me?!" As you toss the glass of chardonnay into the air in utter surprise you think to yourself, "Self, I'm repulsed at the very sound of this!" Now you know my pain. I can't speak for the vast majority of the sports broadcast viewing audience, but I can speak for myself pretty damned well when I say I prefer my journalist to not throw linguistics around like monkeys fling poop. Maybe it's just the civilized person inside of me trying to rebel.

Despite the occasional praise for my Alma Mater, Vitale praises nothing but the east coast schools. Now I know it's the policy of ESPN to totally and completely shun out everyone west of the Mississippi River, but ESPN sending their prime time crew out to Stanford or Arizona would be great every now and then.

Listening to Vitale broadcast a game, it's very easy to understand why some people like golf. The reason I love college sports is for the passion, the enthusiasm, the sense of team, and the intensity. Possessing these can get you a long way in a career in college sports as well. However do you know what else is a revered trait of mine? Coherence.

I wonder if they feed him bananas after every game well done...

Rook is a senior at Oklahoma State who enjoys the occasional episode of Baywatch.