Let’s see. Since the last time
I checked in here, Pete Rose admitted
to betting on baseball, the Red
Sox and the Cubs choked in the
playoffs, the Miami Dolphins bent
over in December, and the NBA
Eastern Conference sucks. Well,
since nothing’s changed, we’re
nice and caught up.
Well, we might as well get right
into the meat.
Offense is for Punks
People are finally starting to
understand that defense wins championships.
Regardless of who wins Super Bowl
XXXVIII on Feb. 1st,
a defensive team will be the one
hoisting the Lombardi trophy.
Not the Greatest Shit on Turf,
or Kansas City’s high powered
half of a football team. It shocks
me that some
people are bitching and whining
about a New England/Carolina Super
Bowl match up. Since when did
football become the pussy playground
of easy spirals into the end zone?
Are we supposed to scream when
Priest Holmes waltzes into the
end zone untouched? Jesus fucking
christ, I hope not. I want to
see his ass get smoked, and if
he still manages to claw into
the end zone, then I’ll cheer
like I mean it. Football is about
bone-crunching hits, quarterbacks
getting stuffed and a hard-nosed
“I just broke a rib” kinds of
running game. Scores of 56-49
are for Madden 2004, morons.
How can you not enjoy interceptions?
Patriots by a TD.
Enough Fucking LeBron Already
Don’t get me wrong, LeBron James
is an amazing rookie, one who
deserves praise and attention.
However, this does not mean we
need to swing from his jock strap
and report every fucking tidbit
of information on his daily life.
Does anyone actually care? I know
I sure as hell don’t. Nike went
so far as to feature him as the
basketball Jesus in one of their
incessant sneaker ads. At this
point, LeBron James is one of
the apostles, and he’s going to
have to turn the shitty ass Cleveland
Cavaliers into a winner to become
the next basketball JH Christ.
Luckily for James, he doesn’t
seem to be overly egotistical,
but you give someone enough free
blow jobs, eventually they’ll
start to think they deserve them
from everyone. Yes, we’ve see
his Hummer. And his new sneakers.
And his commercials. When the
Cleveland Cavaliers manage to
stop playing like a team from
the WNBA, then I’ll actually give
a shit.
Attention MLB Players: Old
= Pay Cut
Will someone please tell Greg
Maddux to fucking deal with the
fact that he’s not getting another
14 million dollar a year contract?
A 16-11 win season, with a 3.96
ERA (in the National League, no
less) does not equal an 8-figure
contract for a 37-year-old pitcher.
How is that hard to comprehend?
He’s already made enough money
to buy the country of Laos
and him and his bloodsucking agent
Scott Boras are still pouting
over a few million dollars for
an aging pitcher. Yes, Maddux
has been a fantastic pitcher of
his career. Hall of Famer? Yes.
10+ million a year coming off
a so-so season and entering one
in which he’ll be 38 years old?
Hell motherfucking no.
Dear Ivan Rodriguez: see above.
I-Rod did have a great season
and a monster playoff run, however,
he’s been an everyday catcher
since the tender age of 19. His
knees have more miles on them
than Jenna Jameson’s. Despite
his playoff heroics, I-Rod is
nowhere near 15 million dollars
a year. Only a complete fucking
retard of a baseball franchise
would pay Rodriguez more than
7-8 million dollars a year. Luckily
for him, that’s where the Detroit
Tigers come in.
Until next time, homies.
- Batgirl
