 |
Davey!
Look at this, honey! |
 |
YOU
CAN EAT MY HAIRY, WHITE ASS!!!! |
|
What!? |
|
You
heard me! I…..wait a minute. You wanted
me to look at something? |
|
Well,
yeah. What was that all about? |
|
I’m
sorry, peanut. Just a reflex. What did you
want to show me? |
|
Well,
now I wanna know what this reflex is all about. |
|
Don’t
worry about it. |
|
No.
I want to know now what you were going to… |
|
Martha!!
You wanna show me the thing or not!? |
|
Yeah,
but I wanna…. |
|
SHOW
ME THE MOTHER FUCKING THING!!! |
|
Well,
now that you take that kind of attitude…I’m
not sure I want to. |
|
So
help me God, Martha. If you don’t tell
me your fucking news, I’m gonna knock
you silly. |
|
Oh,
so now you’re angry. I have news about
someone who’s gonna be moving into our
cell block but apparently you’re more
interested in being a meanie. |
|
I’m
being a meanie because your being a HARD HEADED
COW!! WHAT THE FUCK IS IT THAT YOU WANTED
TO TELL ME!!??? |
|
Stop
yelling! |
|
TELL
ME!! |
|
Stop
yelling! |
|
TELL
ME! |
|
I
mean it, David. Stop yelling and I’ll
tell you. |
|
FINE!
I WON’T YELL!! |
|
You’re
yelling now! |
|
NO,
I’M NOT!! |
|
David!! |
|
Okay.
See? I’m not yelling. Now, will you
tell me? |
|
Promise. |
|
What!? |
|
Promise
that you won’t yell. |
|
I
promise that I won’t yell. Now, will
you tell me? |
|
Is
that how we ask? |
|
Harghffffkkkthththt…..grrrrrrrr….Will
you please tell me? |
|
Yes.
I will. Remember when you were a kid and you
used to watch… |
 |
Hey,
everybody. I have someone here that I’d
like you all to meet. |
 |
If
it ain’t my lawyer, I don’t give
a shit. |
|
Come
on, guys. I want you to meet… |
|
Hold
on, Johnny. The missus has something she wants
to tell me. |
|
Well,
as I was saying…. |
|
HOLY
JUMPIN’ JESUS FISH!!!! |
 |
Hey,
how ya doin’? |
|
I’d
like to introduce you guys to…. |
|
ROBERT
FUCKING BLAKE!! |
|
That’s
right. Just to let you know, Roberts gonna
be with us for a little bit while his lawy……
|
|
I’ll
be damned!! This must be some kind of U.S.O.
for prisoners. I never thought in my wildest
dreams that I’d ever meet Mickey from
Our Gang!! |
|
Yeah,
that’s great. |
|
Davey…. |
|
Martha,
please! I’m talking to Mickey here.
So, tell me, I heard you and Alfafa had a
running competition on who would get the most
ass. Did you ever do Darla? |
|
What
the fuck are you talking about? |
|
Awwww.
C’mon, Mickey. It’s me you’re
talking to. You can tell me. This is soo cool
that you’ve come to visit us. You’d
never believe the stuff that happens in this
block. Why just a few months ago, we were
taken away…. |
|
Yeah,
that’s wonderful. I, honestly, don’t
remember once giving a shit. |
|
………..
excuse me. |
|
It’s
what I’ve been trying to tell you, David!
|
|
Can
someone please shut that bitch up!? |
|
Shit,
blood. I been inquirizin’ that same
thing since I got here. |
|
DAVID!!
Are you gonna let him talk to me like that!? |
|
Well,
honey, it is Mickey. |
|
WHAT!? |
|
What
the fuck are you getting sooo upset for? I
tell you to shut your fuckin’ mouth
all the time! |
|
You’re
my husband! |
|
Yeah,
and this is Mickey. I’ve watched him
for sooo long, he’s like family. |
|
But
I’m your WIFE!! |
|
Yeah,
but that’s different. I have to sleep
next to you every night. |
|
To
hell with you!! I’m leaving. |
|
But
honey…. |
|
Fine.
Leave, bitch. |
|
Yeah!!
Fine! Leave, bitch!! |
|
Come
on, guys. That wasn’t nice. |
|
Then
you can leave to, bitch! |
|
WHAT!? |
|
You
heard me. Go pop your ass on a curb, bitch.
Make me some money. Hehehe Ain’t that
right guys? |
|
…………………. |
|
Hehehe…..right
guys? |
|
………………….. |
|
Ahem…(gulp)
Guys? |
|
……………………. |
|
Fuck
you back stabbin’, honkey mother fuckers. |
 |
Hehehehehehehehehe |
|
FUCK
YOU TOO, SHORTY!! |
|
Come
on, Starks. |
|
Naw,
fuck that noise, man. |
|
Sorry,
buddy. You decided to mouth off. Come on. |
|
Maaaan!
This is bullshit. It’s because of you
guys that I gotta go. |
|
Hehehehehehe.
Get outta here, darkie. |
|
WHAT
THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY, YOU BEAN DIP MOTHER
FUCKER!!? |
|
Hehehehehehehehehe |
|
Come
on, Starks. |
|
Keep
laughin’, Shorty. I’ll kill all
you mother fuckers. |
|
Here
we go, Starks. Down the hall. You know where
solitary confinement is. |
|
Look
at my face, you Uncle Tom niggas! |
|
That
doesn’t even make sense, boy. |
|
BOY!!?
BOY!? Oh, I got your number Kojack!! |
|
He
was Baretta. Not Kojack! |
|
Bite
me, honkey! You wait! You ain’t seen
the last of Starks, mother fucker! |
|
Yeah
yeah yeah. |
|
Sorry
about all that, Mickey. These young guys don’t
know how to show a guy the respect he deserves.
So, Mickey…. |
|
Will
you please quit that shit!? |
|
What? |
|
That
“Mickey” shit. That’s not
my name, you friggin’ moron. |
|
What
do you want me to call you, Mickey? |
|
I’d
rather you didn’t talk to me at all,
asshole. |
|
But,
Mickey…. |
|
But
if you are gonna talk to me, stop it with
that “Mickey” shit. I’m
Blake. That’s my name. |
|
Fine…..Robert.
Or should I call you Rob? Or Bobby? |
|
Robert
will be fine, thank you. |
|
Alright….Robert.
So uhhhh…what are ya gonna do for us? |
|
Excuse
me!? |
|
Come
on….entertain us. That’s what
you’re here for, right? |
|
What!? |
|
Well,
that is why you’re here, isn’t
it? Come on, we’ll play out a part from
Baretta. I’ll be the parrot. |
|
Get
the fuck outta here. |
|
Well,
damn. What the hell are we gonna do? |
|
You
can do whatever the fuck you want. |
|
That
doesn’t seem too fun….or entertaining. |
|
WHO
THE FUCK SAID I WAS HERE TO ENTERTAIN ANYONE!!?? |
|
Hey
now, buddy. Don’t yell at me. |
|
No,
ASSHOLE!! ANSWER MY QUESTION. WHO ARE YOU
THAT I HAVE TO FUCKING ENTERTAIN YOU!!?? |
|
YOU’RE
ROBERT FUCKING BLAKE, SHITHEAD!! WHY THE FUCK
ELSE WOULD YOU BE HERE!!? |
|
BECAUSE
I SHOT MY FUCKING WIFE TO DEATH, MOTHER FUCKER!!! |
|
YOU’RE
THE MOTHER FUCKING ACTOR HERE!! ENTERTAIN
MY……whoah……what was
that last part? |
|
I’M
HERE BECAUSE I SHOT MY FUCKING WIFE!! NOW
LAY THE FUCK OFF!! |
|
………………………. |
|
……………………. |
|
HOLY
CHIT!! |
|
…………………….. |
|
Wow.
Did you really? |
|
Yes. |
|
Wow. |
|
Yeah. |
|
Yeah. |
|
Yeah. |
|
So…… |
|
Uh
huh. |
|
Ummm….so..uhhh.
Suppose someone wanted to do that. What kind
of advice would you give him? |
|
Right
off the top of my head? |
|
Uh
huh. |
|
Well,
don’t admit to the cops that you even
own a gun. I found that one thing hurt my
case a LOT. |
|
Wow.
Okay. Cuz, see, I got this friend. And his
wife is a real unbearable shit and I was wondering
if you might have any more pointers for me…..HIM.
I mean him…my friend, of course. |
|
Sure.
Have a seat, I’ll tell you all about
it. |
