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INTRODUCTION
(or something I'm writing because I didn't
have any material to give Jay)
It's funny but in such a short amount of
time I've felt bombarded by everyone with
the same question.
"How do you stay so God damned sexy?"
Well, I find that you don't really have
to eat right to stay in decent shape. I
tend to do a couple hundred sit ups a night
right before I hit the sack. Also, I bathe
regularly and try to stay up and up on the
latest fashions and styles. Do I follow
them? No. I take current trends and bend
them to my own will. Trend is my bitch.
That brings me to the second most asked
question in the past week.
"What in the Hell is Chuata's Wicker
Palace?"
Well, the best way to describe the Wicker
Palace is that it's a conglomeration of
all things "Joe". Things that
I find funny or witty or entertaining or
just interesting to think about. My primary
love is of films and other forms of entertainment.
But what makes my interest in these things
any more important that anyone else's? Well,
I work in entertainment. Eleven years of
my life has been dedicated to entertainment
in some way, shape or form. I've been acting
since high school. You know, various plays
and the like. My senior year of high school
I was signed by a talent agent who's gotten
me work in films and television. I've worked
in radio for the past 6 years. Entertainment
isn't just a hobby for me. It's life. So,
that is my sole purpose with the Wicker
Palace. I will attempt to entertain you
with all the power I can muster. But I really
haven't answered the question, have I?
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Again, you may ask, "What in the Hell is
Chuata's Wicker Palace?"
To answer this, we must go back in time to the
year 1995. Location: Allen High School cafeteria.
I had just downed my 10th soda of the day and
had totally filled up with sugar and candy and...
well, you get the point. I was like Beavis when
he becomes Cornholio. I'm sitting with my buddies
Jay (DarkWolf), Myles and this kid from Hungary
that we used to tease a lot. (Don't even start
with the racist shit. It wasn't like that.) This
massive sugar rush just takes over my body and
I start dancing in my seat and chanting these
little guttural chants. Somebody, I don't remember
who, had a bamboo shaft or something that I grabbed
and started shaking up and down with my chanting.
I saw my friends laughing at this so I continued.
(I AM an entertainer.) So, I spot an apple and
just impale it on this bamboo shaft. I raise it
to the sky and chant a bit at it and then show
it to my friends. I grab some chopsticks from
Jay and stick them in the apple at an angle, creating
what would become arms and legs. Still, I continue
chanting and dancing in my seat... showing this
creation to other people in the lunch room who
are now watching me with smiles on their faces.
I take a little wheat stem that, for some reason,
was at our table and I stick that in it's head
making what would later be referred to as the
"Indian feather". I look at my creation
and notice that with the apple impaled on it's
side, the stem looks like a kind of nose. So,
I find a couple little pebbles and stick them
over the stem to make eyes. To finish it all off,
I put a ripped napkin over the top of the chopsticks
to make it look like clothing. My chants grew
louder and my body quickened it's fits and heaves
as I raised my completed creation to the sky.
Thus, Chuata was born.
All hail Chuata!!
One year later, Jay and our mutual friend, Ralph,
visited my father and I in New York where we took
them up to the Canadian side of Niagra Falls.
That day saw the birth of Chuata's Canadian counterpart.
He was dubbed "Chuata Eh". Unfortunately,
you just cannot duplicate perfection and thus
it was decided that Chuata Eh was inferior to
the original Chuata.
I can still hear you asking, "BUT WHAT THE
FUCK IS CHUATA'S WICKER PALACE!!??"
I'm getting to that. Chuata will forever embody
one of the few times I just went off and tossed
off any care of what people might think of me
in order to create something entertaining for
myself and my friends. That's why my section is
entitled "Chuata's Wicker Palace". Just
like in the creation of Chuata, I will just throw
together whatever randomness I feel fit to entertain
you with. You will never be able to think of Chuata's
Wicker Palace and go "Oh, that's the comic
strip." Or "That's that sports section".
As much as I wish that I could concentrate on
one aspect and be done with it... I can't. There's
too much I wanna share. Too much I care to say.
The Wicker Palace will mainly revolve around my
love of films and my exploration into the world
revolving around them. Check out my sections that
I have so far. We have Fairy
Tales From Cellblock C,
and the coveted 15 Minute Concept. I think all
the sections are fun, but the 15 Minute Concept
is where you can win free shit. You like that
don't you? I have an open door policy which means
if your door is open, chances are I'm spying on
ya. And if you ever have suggestions, comments
or just wanna bitch about something...send me
an e-mail.
Whaddaya say? Give me a chance and I'll show you
that the Wicker Palace will be worthy of it's
home at Lethal Death.
Keep Your Stick On The Ice...
Peace,
Joe
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