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Behold!! The residents of Lethal Death shall
now become STAR WARSIFIED!!!!
This was a funny exercise, actually. It lets you
see how much a persons perception of you may differ
from your own perception of yourself. Each of
the fellows here at the site have been asked to
classify each other and themselves as Star Wars
characters. Which one's would best fit their personalities.
This is the result
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CHUATA
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Ozzymadeo says that the character that
best represents Chuata is Salacious Crumb
from Return of the Jedi. Or as Ozzy puts
it "that Gremlin thing that hangs on
Jabba".
His reason for this: "cuz"
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Ozzymadeo was the only one to make a suggestion
for Chuata. Chuata wasn't exactly a requirement
for anyone to do but he appreciates it. You see,
he is just a foul, alter ego of Joe and deserves
very little consideration.
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CRIMSON
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DarkWolf says that the character of Emperor
Palpatine from Return of the Jedi best represents
Crimson.
His reason for this: "It's Crimson...
I mean, come on!"
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DPW says that the character of Obi Wan
Kenobi from A New Hope best represents Crimson.
His reason for this: "Who else is
as insightful to the way of the force? Plus
he has more college then the rest of us
combined." [ Ed: Ahem! - DarkWolf
]
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Joe says that the character that best represents
Crimson is Grand Moff Tarkin from A New
Hope.
His reason for this: "It was a tough
call. I mean, he has the attitude of Emperor
Palpatine but he just doesn't fit the "Master
of the Dark Arts" kinda bill. I won't
argue that Crimson is quite possibly the
most evil man I know but he likes playing
with his toys and has more of a technical
know how than Palpatine did. He likes playing
with things till they break. Ask him about
his "Steve" figure that came with
this Werewolf toy he got. But actions like
this lead me to Tarkin. The man who, essentially,
played with his favorite toy until it broke.
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Ozzymadeo says that the character of Boba
Fett from Empire Strikes Back and Return
of the Jedi best describes Crimson.
His reason for this: "Just seems to
fit."
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And now, the character that Crimson feels represents
him the best....
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EMPEROR PALPATINE!
His reason for this: " I am ALL about
being an evil emperor, and the use of Force
Lightning is a hell of an aphrodisiac, dontcha
know. Nothing like blue lightning of death
and crusty old skin to get the chicks after
you. Plus, he says cool stuff.
"So be it... Jedi.""
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Crimson matched with DarkWolf.....ain't that
cute?
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DARKWOLF
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Crimson says that the character
of Chewbacca from the original Trilogy best
represents DarkWolf.
His reason for this: "Always
by Joe's side. Large. Hairy. Has a fast
car, which could in some manipulation of
simile could relate to the Falcon."
DPW says that the character of Chewbacca
from the original Trilogy best represents
DarkWolf.
His reason for this: "Doesn't
really talk and is never really too far
from Joe. Plus he's huge."
Joe says that the character of Chewbacca
from the original Trilogy best represents
DarkWolf.
His reason for this: "This wasn't
as easy as you might think... okay... well...
maybe it was. DarkWolf is like the Silent
Bob to my Jay. He's big and has long hair
and snores like about 10 Wookies! However,
I really tried to take into account the
one personality trait that EVERYONE recognizes
about DarkWolf....he is ALWAYS LATE!!! No
shit...this guy owns a watch but still runs
sooo freakin' late. Here's an example....the
boys and I were getting together one night.
Ozzymadeo and DPW were driving back from
a vacation in Bosier City. We call DarkWolf
and tell him we're all getting together....at
the same time we talk to Ozzy and DPW who
are just crossing the Texas state line.
Time passes and Ozzy and DPW arrive before
DarkWolf does....and he's in the SAME TOWN!!!
Considering this tragic flaw, I considered
picking Lando from Empire Strikes Back because
he had a chance to save Han but was just
a little too late. Alas, I stuck with Chewbacca
because DarkWolf is a true and faithful
friend."
Ozzymadeo says that the character
of Chewbacca from the original Trilogy best
represents DarkWolf.
His reason for this: "They both
drive fast things and are quiet."
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And now the character that DarkWolf feels represents
him the best....
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YODA!
His reason for this: "I don't know.
It just seems to fit. Obviously Yoda is
the coolest, so that's me in a nutshell."
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DarkWolf matched with NOBODY! However, everyone
else seems to agree with each other. And if I
may, for just a moment, take a little time to
say something. I find it extremely OFFENSIVE that
DarkWolf would even venture to think that he's
even the same color as Yoda! DarkWolf has about
as much in common with Yoda as I do with a circus
seal. [ Ed: You'd be surprised how much Joe
has in common with a circus seal. And all these
other guys are full of lies and deciet! Don't
listen to them. - DarkWolf ]
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DPW
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Crimson says that the character of Qui
Gon Jinn from The Phantom Menace best represents
DPW.
His reason for this: "He's all honorable
and shit. It's disgusting."
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DarkWolf says that the character of Boba
Fett from the original Trilogy best describes
DPW.
His reason for this: "DPW escapes
catastrophies with little or no injury ...
sounds like Boba Fett to me."
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Joe says that the character of Luke
Skywalker from A New Hope best represents
DPW.
His reason for this: “Well,
DPW has that naïve charm to him that
Luke had in the first film that he turns
on and off depending on the situation. He
also used to live in Rockwall and that’s
about as close to being Tatooine that a
Texas town can get. Farm boy.”
Ozzymadeo says that the character
of Luke Skywalker from Return of the Jedi
best represents DPW.
His reason for this: “I've seen
the growth of both through the years. From
a kid to a man.”
And now the character that DPW feels
represents him the best...
LUKE SKYWALKER!
His reason for this: “Because
I'm all noble and shit. Screw you.”
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DPW matched with Joe and Ozzymadeo. Isn’t
it nice when we find a match? This means that
DPW can swing over bottomless chasms, kill Wampas
and make out with his own sister.
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DR. GOOFYPANTS
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DPW says that the character of Yoda
from Empire Strikes Back best represents
Dr. Goofypants.
His reason for this: “Really,
could he have been anyone else?”
Ozzymadeo says that the character
of Yoda from Empire Strikes Back best represents
Dr. Goofypants.
His reason for this: “They are
rich with wisdom.”
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However, Dr. Goofypants also wasn’t required
because he is also one of our alter egos but thanks
to DPW and Ozzy for doing it. Looks like we know
who Yoda is eh, DarkWolf? [ Ed: ALL LIES! LIES
I TELL YOU! - DarkWolf ]
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GALLION
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Crimson says that the character of Luke
Skywalker from Return of the Jedi best represents
Gallion.
His reason for this: “He feels the
hate flowing through him, bitch.”
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DarkWolf says that the character
of Lando Calrisian from the original Trilogy
best represents Gallion.
His reason for this: “Gallion
just has that "Yo my brotha" attitude
that fits Lando.”
DPW says that the character of Lando
Calrisian from the original Trilogy best
represents Gallion.
His reason for this: “Well,
for one, when is Gallion without his Colt
45 and afro?”
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Joe says that the character of Nein Numb
from Return of the Jedi best represents
Gallion.
His reason for this: “Hehehehe…okay,
I’m gonna get hell for this but here’s
my reasoning. Gallion’s Puerto Rican
and Nein Numb totally looks Puerto Rican.
Ask anyone!! They’ll say “Yeah,
he looks Puerto Rican.” For a while
now, everytime I watch Return of the Jedi
and see Nein Numb, I think of Gallion. I
was gonna pick Sebulba from The Phantom
Menace because Gallion has a violent competitive
streak in him but nothing says “Gallion”
like Nein. So, there ya go.”
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Ozzymadeo says that the character of Grand
Moff Tarkin from A New Hope best represents
Gallion.
His reason for this: “One kills planets.
The other would if he could. Coincidence?”
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Unfortunately, Gallion
didn’t participate in this little exercise.
I forget why he bowed out. I think it was something
about Ninja Ewoks and confronting Spielburg about
his original director’s cut of Return of
the Jedi where Luke is assassinated. Hey, don’t
look at me…I have no idea either. Someone
has to tell him that Spielburg didn’t direct
it.
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OZZYMADEO
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Crimson says that the character
of Boba Fett from the original Trilogy best
represents Ozzymadeo.
His reason for this: “Dark.
Silent. Makes things less alive.”
Joe says that the character of Boba
Fett from the original Trilogy best represents
Ozzymadeo.
His reason for this: “Ozzy is
quiet, big, brooding and intimidating when
you first see him. I think that’s just
about as Boba Fett as you can get.”
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DarkWolf says that the character of the
Imperial Guard from Return of the Jedi best
represents Ozzymadeo.
His reason for this: “Ozzy is and will
always be the Motor City Deadman, and that
outfit always reminded me of an Imperial
Guard, only with black instead of red.”
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DPW says that the character of the Sarlacc
Pit Monster from Return of the Jedi best
represents Ozzymadeo.
His reason for this: “I was going to
pick Vader (because Oz is big and black)
but Vader does not have the stomach to devour
22 Poncho's cheese enchiladas. On reviewing
the Star Wars universe, the only characters
that could possibly eat that much were Jabba
the Hutt and the Sarlacc Pit. Unfortunately,
Jabba loses out due to the Sarlacc’s
indifference to whatever it eats. Just like
Oz.”
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And now the character that Ozzymadeo feels represents
him best...
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OBI WAN KENOBI!
His reason for this: “The whole hermit
thing appeals to me.”
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Ozzymadeo matches with nobody. However, I gotta
give it up to everyone but Crimson and myself
for having some really unique choices. You guys
got the touch….you got the power.
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JOE
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Crimson says that the character
of Han Solo from the original Trilogy best
represents Joe.
His reason for this: “Dashing,
brash, roguish, compromised morals, et cetera
et cetera. It only makes sense. Plus, he
has a lego Millenium Falcon.”
DarkWolf says that the character
of Han Solo from the original Trilogy best
represents Joe.
His reason for this: “Joe is
obviously Han.”
DPW says that the character of Han
Solo from the original Trilogy best represents
Joe.
His reason for this: “More one
liners than a thing that has something to
do with one liners.”
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Ozzymadeo says that the character of Lando
Calrisian from the original Trilogy best
represents Joe.
His reason for this: “Just one of those
things that seems to fit. Probably the
smoothness with the ladies and the Colt
.45 commercials.”
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And now the character that Joe feels represents
him best...
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ANAKIN SKYWALKER!
His reason for this: “Anybody who
knows me would probably say I’m a Han
Solo kinda guy. I try to give off that impression.
However, as many one liners I throw out
and sideways smirks I show off, I’m
really a lot more emotional than Han. I
love strongly and passionately and the only
other emotion I have that runs as deep is
my anger. Often the two shall meet and usually
it’s not a pretty sight. When I give
in to a feeling…I give in COMPLETELY.
And God forbid you get on my ANGRY side.
If so…BACK THE FUCK UP!! As much as
I wanna say that I am that wisecrackin’
kinda character….I’d have to be
honest and say I’m more of an Anakin
from AOTC.”
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Well, there ya go. A Star Warsified insight to
the folks here at Lethal Death. Write Gallion
and beg him to make out his picks now that we
know he’s seen all the films. Also, if you
feel like giving us your own impressions or sharing
who you think best represents you…go ahead.
Write me and tell me about yourself and who you
think represents you….then we’ll post
it up here on the wall of shame with the rest
of us.
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